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I Speak out about estrangement, join me in the support community Yesterday, we went to dog training class with Big  and Jace .Big was a bit rowdy—he wanted to play—but Jace did a great job.When you have a service dog, you have to take them to regular training to keep their skills sharp. Jace especially needs desensitization . Years ago, I was attacked by a dog, and Jace protected me. He saved my life. But ever since, he’s been fearful and reactive around other dogs. This class helps him learn that not every dog is dangerous. It’s a chance to retrain his instinct to react—and replace it with confidence and calm. And honestly? That’s a lot like what Nelson and I are learning in this season of estrangement from our adult daughter. We can’t control what’s happened, but we can control how we react , and we can work toward becoming less fearful, less reactive, and more at peace .We can begin to feel good about ourselves again. We can be okay. There’s a quiet kind of grief that hides in plain sight—the grief of loving someone who is still alive, but no longer part of your life. For me, that grief has a name: estrangement . It’s a word I never expected to apply to my own family, and certainly not to my relationship with one of my children. But here I am—living it, learning from it, and finally, speaking about it. For a long time, I said nothing. I carried the weight in silence, not wanting to seem bitter, dramatic, or like I’d failed as a parent. The shame was suffocating. Every time I tried to talk about it, I felt like I needed to explain or defend myself. So I didn’t talk at all. But silence about our estrangement didn’t protect me. It isolated me. And in that isolation, I learned something powerful: shame thrives in silence—but healing begins with honesty. That’s why I’m speaking out now. I decided to speak out about estrangement to express the pain and frustration I’ve carried for far too long. The separation itself was heartbreaking, but the silence that followed was just as damaging. I needed to put words to the ache, to give shape to the feelings that so many parents carry in the dark. And I speak because I believe it’s time we stop hiding. You do not  have to stay in the shadows. You do not  have to live in shame.You can stand tall.You can move forward.You can grow.You can heal.You can improve— even when reconciliation isn’t promised. That is why I speak out. No one needs to be alone in their heartache and grief, and this estrangement with our adult daughter is not what we wanted.It has changed everything about Nelson and me.I believe that God makes good out of everything, and I can already see His handiwork in this situation. Even in the pain, I trust that something beautiful is being formed. Yesterday was a harder day.I found myself spiraling—dwelling, ruminating, questioning. So I leaned on something that’s been helping me recently: DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) . I used the tools I’ve learned to help my mind step out of the loop it wanted to stay trapped in. I reminded myself that ruminating over a situation I cannot control serves no good purpose.I’m not sharing this because I’ve gained some sort of wisdom crown or figured it all out.I haven’t.I struggle with it every single day. If I think about it too much, I can cry in an instant.That’s okay.Crying is part of the process. So is breathing. So is moving forward anyway. I speak out not because I’ve reached the end of this journey, but because I’ve taken the first brave steps—and I want others to know they can, too. There are countless parents out there walking through estrangement—some quietly aching, others navigating years of confusion and sorrow, all wondering, “What did I do wrong?”  or “Does this pain ever stop?” This blog, Strangely Estranged , is my small way of saying: You are not alone. And you don’t have to grieve in the dark. If you're walking through estrangement, I want to invite you into this space. To read. To reflect. To cry if you need to. And maybe one day, to share your own story, too. I’ve said this before: my dogs help me a lot with this estrangement . They want my presence. They are always happy to see me. They don’t like me to leave. They are comforting and loyal. I find them incredibly soothing. You may not be a dog person—and that’s okay. But find something  that brings you support, love, and peace. Then go do that for yourself. Pray a lot. It’s not selfish to nurture your heart—it’s necessary. With compassion and courage, Crystal

Estrangement...Feels like the sun is setting on your heart, and will never rise again. I never imagined I’d be writing about estrangement from our adult daughter  — but when heartbreak became the quiet background noise of our lives, I found refuge in prayer and a pen. Writing has always helped me process pain and find peace. This blog, Strangely Estranged , is not just a place to tell my story — it’s a space to let go of shame, to share honestly, and to remind other estranged parents  that you’re not alone. I felt led by God  to begin this journey. In my prayer journal, I pour out everything: the hurt, the hope, the frustration, and the faith. This blog grew out of that sacred space — a space where I let God work through my words and offer light to others walking through the dark. "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose."  — Romans 8:28 🗣️ How Our Estrangement Began Our story of parental estrangement  began in September 2023 after what I thought was a simple, supportive conversation. I asked our adult daughter if I could hire her to help me with some YouTube videos for my business. She’s talented in video editing — it’s part of her career — and I truly believed this was a way to support her and get help with something I struggle with. But the conversation didn’t go well. She was upset. I wasn’t sure why. In the days following, I sent her an email to apologize and explain. I told her I needed to communicate through writing for a while. Writing slows me down. It helps me stay calm and clear, and I can express myself without anxiety clouding my words. But that, too, seemed to upset her. What followed was the beginning of a painful estrangement from both me and my husband . Our adult daughter still maintains relationships with other people in our family, but she stopped all direct contact with us — her parents. That’s a grief that is hard to explain unless you’ve lived it. It’s not total isolation, but a deeply personal kind of rejection that cuts differently. 📩 The Email That Broke My Heart Later, we received an email from her with strict boundaries: no phone calls, no texts, no letters, no asking other family members to deliver messages — what she called “needling.” Even when it was just a message we truly needed to pass along, we were told not to. She added that communication was only permitted in the case of a medical emergency or something related to car maintenance — which no longer applied to us. And that was it. Our parental estrangement became painfully official. 💔 Coping With Estrangement The emotional toll was deep and overwhelming: Panic. Anxiety. Anger. Disappointment. Grief. Physical illness. Stress that strained our marriage and relationships with our other adult children. Feelings of betrayal, loneliness, abandonment, and powerlessness. It was hard for us as parents to understand. She still spoke to others in the family. But when it came to my husband and me — there was a complete wall. We became estranged parents , not just estranged from a child, but shut out while others still had access. That added a layer of confusion, pain, and disconnection that felt especially isolating. It made me question everything — my intentions, my words, even my worth as a mother. I cried for months. The anxiety triggered seizures. My health declined. I removed photos and keepsakes because they brought too much pain. I stopped saying her name. But I never stopped praying. 🙏 A Mother's Prayer in the Wilderness Every day, I pray for her. I pray for healing — hers and mine.I pray for reconciliation.I pray that God will surround her with grace and protection.I pray that if she ever decides to reach out again, our hearts will be ready.And I pray that I will continue to live with love and hope, even in her silence. Hope is hard. And keeping my heart open to her — after so much pain — is even harder.You would think it would be easy, because she is my child.But I can tell you — it is not easy at all . Do I still get angry? Yes. Do I still feel despair? Yes .But I walk on.I have even decided to do the Mrs. Tennessee America pageant again next year.I am working on another pageant, continuing to do things for myself and to help others.I started another business.Slowly but surely, we are weathering the storm,and we are grateful to God for continually taking us through it. It’s a daily surrender. I cry out to God for strength.I beg for the grace to stay soft, even when everything in me wants to harden.I ask for divine help to keep doing the two things that feel impossible: Holding on to hope, and keeping my heart open. Because without God, I can’t do either.I desperately need His help and guidance to walk this road. This is the spiritual ache of Christian parents dealing with estrangement  — learning how to keep loving someone while respecting their boundaries, learning how to let God hold what we cannot fix. ✍️ Why I Write — And Why You’re Here Strangely Estranged  is not just a personal journal — it’s a faith-based blog for estranged parents , a place to cry, to pray, and to heal. I blog because I need to express myself. I blog because I will not be ashamed of my story . I blog because I know someone else is out there, hurting, wondering if they’re the only one. You’re not. You’re not alone.You ’re not unlovable.You ’re not a failure.You are still a good parent.You are still held by a faithful God. 📜 Free Healing Resource: Letters I Never Sent I created a 7-day healing journal for estranged parents  called Letters I Never Sent  — a place to write the words too painful to say out loud. Inside, you’ll find gentle prompts like: “If You Only Knew...” “A Letter to the Future Me” “What I Wish You'd Say to Me” It’s my free gift to you, in exchange for subscribing to the blog.Just go to the homepage and scroll to the bottom of the Welcome message. You'll see the download button there. Thank you for reading.Thank you for walking this hard road with faith and courage.And thank you for allowing me to share my heart with you. With grace and hope, Crystal Remember that you are loved and enough. Let us hear from you, we want to know your story! ParentalEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChild #ChristianParents #FaithAndHealing #FamilyEstrangement #HealingJourney #LettersINeverSent #HopeInEstrangement #StrangelyEstranged #ParentingThroughPain #FaithBasedHealing #EstrangementSupport #KeepTheFaith #GraceAndHope

This is image is the perfect description of what I go through during this estrangement. By Crystal McDaniel | Strangely Estranged Estrangement is such an ugly word, isn’t it? It feels sharp—like it was designed to wound. And yet, here we are, living in it, breathing in its reality, and carrying its weight in our hearts. My husband Nelson and I never expected this chapter in our family’s story. We never imagined we’d be here, asking ourselves questions no parent ever thinks they’ll have to ask. Like…“Is it ok not to like my estranged daughter?” There it is. The truth I hesitate to say out loud. But silence is its own kind of pain. And if you’re reading this, maybe you’ve asked yourself the same question—whispered in the dark when no one else was listening. The Grief That No One Talks About Estrangement is grief.Not the tidy kind.Not the kind with casseroles and sympathy cards.It’s the kind you grieve over and over again—with no closure, no funeral, and no rules. We’ve walked through every stage of it: • Denial – “This is just a phase. She’ll come around.” • Anger – Sharp, soul-deep rage at the disrespect, dishonor, and disregard. • Bargaining – “If I just say this one right thing…” • Depression – Heavy days where the silence feels louder than any scream. • Acceptance – But what does that even mean? • Some days, it feels like we’re cycling through them all before lunchtime. The Honest Moments There are times I just flat don’t like her.Not because I don’t love her—but because of this path she’s chosen. A path that’s ripped away shared memories, holidays, conversations, and trust. A path that feels like betrayal. And there are some days…I don’t want her to even exist in my heart and mind.That’s a hard thing to confess. But it’s real. Other times, I feel absolutely nothing.The emotional whiplash is real—one minute we’re grieving, the next we’re numb.From disappointment… to heartbreak… to resentment… to apathy. Is it okay to admit that? Because this is the hardest truth of all:I am trying to protect my own heart, mind, and emotional well-being.And I’m wondering…Is that wrong? How Do You Love from a Distance? How do you love someone who refuses to let you in?How do you stay emotionally available without being emotionally destroyed? Boundaries.That word comes up a lot in family therapy. And I’ll be honest—I hate that word.They’re invisible. Unknown.Who really knows where another person’s boundaries are until we cross one?And when they're pointed out, it can feel like a “keep off the grass” sign. I try to respect them anyway.My daughter—my other adult daughter, the twin of the one who’s estranged—helps me with this.She checks in. She listens. She stays close, as long as I don’t step over her boundaries.She’s very close to her sister, and I carry that knowledge gently when we talk. I don’t unload everything. I try to stay mindful. I stay aware that she has boundaries.I know I do, too.And so I work—hard—to keep watch on myself.To stay off the emotional lawn. It’s exhausting sometimes, walking on emotional eggshells to preserve the relationship you do still have. But I love her. And I honor the space she needs, even when it hurts. Searching for the Light I’m searching for the light in the dark.I am desperate for the peace that passes all understanding—the kind that anchors your soul even when nothing makes sense. And again, I say it...“My dogs help.”They’re here, loving and accepting, completely trusting and faithful.They don’t hold grudges. They don’t disappear without a word.They are my blessing. And so is my adult son and his spouse.They love without conditions. They encourage without judgment.When my son hugs me, I feel that all will be well, regardless. In a season where everything feels uncertain, they are the ones who remind me:I am still worthy of being loved well. The Ache for Something More I long for reconciliation.I pray for healing.I dream of conversations that aren’t filtered through pain. But… do we have that kind of time to waste? Time is precious. We aren’t promised tomorrow.And while I know that eternity holds all things restored and redeemed,I’d rather have restoration here—in the land of the living. Still, I have to believe:Whatever I’ve lost now, I will gain in Heaven.But in the meantime, I choose to protect what’s left of my heart.To love from afar when I must.To hope when I can.To lean into what brings me peace—even if it has four paws, or opens its arms and says, “You’re not alone.” To Those Walking This Road Too... You’re not alone. If you’re navigating the pain of estrangement, know that your grief is valid.Your anger is valid.Your confusion is valid.And so is your desire for peace. This space—Strangely Estranged—is for the parents, the siblings, the spouses, the children who are stuck between love and heartbreak, between hope and acceptance. We don’t have all the answers. But we do have each other.And maybe that’s where healing begins. Remember you are loved and enough. Comment Below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We want to know your story! #StrangelyEstranged #FamilyEstrangement #GrievingTheLiving #ParentingAdultChildren #ProtectYourPeace #EmotionalWellBeingMatters #FaithThroughEstrangement #BoundariesInFamily #HopeForHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #EstrangedButStillLoved #LoveFromADistance #PeaceThatPassesUnderstanding #HealingIsAMessyJourney #MyDogsHelp #TwinDynamics #MothersHeart #ChristianMoms #RealTalkHealingHeart #YouAreNotAlone #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild

Estrangement...My Car is moving forward into an unknown area. 🚗 When You’re the Mom in the Passenger Seat of Estrangement I never imagined I’d be that mom. The one who doesn’t get the call on her daughter’s birthday.The one who watches holidays come and go with an ache that no candle or casserole can fix.The one who smiles politely when others share family updates, silently holding back tears. I’m estranged from one of our adult daughters. And let me tell you, it’s the kind of heartbreak that shows up quietly and stays loudly. People often say, “Just look back on the good times.” But I can’t.I don’t look at photos of the happier times—because they’re not happy anymore.They’re reminders of what’s been lost. And the effect they have on me isn’t comforting—it’s paralyzing. They keep me from moving forward.What once brought joy now reopens the wound, and I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes protecting your heart means not looking back. Estrangement, I’ve learned, is a two-way street. But that doesn’t mean both people are driving with the same intention. One may be cruising in “self-care mode,”while the other suddenly realizes: 💭 “I don’t recognize any of the scenery anymore.” I’m not wondering if it’s too late to turn back—because I wouldn’t even know which way to go.I’ve somehow ended up in a strange new place, and I don’t know which direction is north. 💭 Her Car: “I Need Time to Heal” Our daughter told us she needed space. That she was focusing on herself and needed time to heal. And as her mother—the one who gave her life, sang lullabies, and packed school lunches for what felt like two decades straight—I wanted to honor that. I still do. I respect healing.I respect boundaries.I even respect distance when it’s handled with grace. But… ⏳ My Car: “Time Is a Resource I Can’t Afford to Waste” I’m healing too.I’m doing the work, facing the pain, sitting with my grief, and letting go of the illusion that love alone always keeps people close. But here’s what I’ve come to understand in this painful process:Time is not on an infinite loop. As much as I wish we could freeze-frame certain moments or rewind to simpler ones, I know this life moves forward—with or without repair. And while she’s choosing distance as her form of healing, I’ve had to choose boundaries of my own—the kind that protect my peace and honor the mother I still am, even when I’m not actively mothering her. 🚧 We Both Think We’re Doing What’s Right That’s the tangled web of estrangement:Everyone thinks they’re the one being reasonable. She believes she’s taking the high road by stepping away.I believe I’m walking in wisdom by not chasing someone who’s already decided to leave. Neither of us is the villain in our own story.But healing, I’ve learned, doesn’t mean silence.And space, without communication, feels a lot more like punishment than progress. 🛞 I’m Still Moving—Even If She’s Not in the Car I miss her. Of course I do.There are days I’d give anything just to hear her voice or share a cup of coffee and talk about life, dogs, or shoes—whatever. Anything but this silence. But I can’t stay parked at the “maybe someday” sign forever. I’ve got a life to live, a heart to mend, and other people who still need me fully present—my husband, my son, our other daughter, and yes, even my dogs. So I drive on. Sometimes through tears.Sometimes with hope.Always with love in the rearview mirror—and just enough grace to keep going. 🕊️ If You’re a Mom Like Me… You’re not alone. Estrangement from a child feels unnatural. It feels wrong.It feels like a wound that never totally scabs over. But healing doesn’t wait for reconciliation.Sometimes, healing begins with acceptance that it may never come. And if your child ever comes back? Let it be on your terms, too.Let it be real, and mutual, and respectful. Until then—keep going. 💬 Let’s Talk Have you experienced estrangement from an adult child?Drop a comment or message. Your story matters, and you don’t have to carry this alone. #StrangelyEstranged #EstrangedMother #HealingJourney #AdultChildEstrangement #MothersWhoGrieve #MentalHealthMatters #ParentingThroughEstrangement #GriefHealing #LettingGoWithLove #Estrangement #EstrangementWithAdultChild

Estrangement will never stop a really cute T-Shirt with a Sunflower Let’s be honest: estrangement  isn’t just a word—it’s a season.A heavy, quiet, confusing season that sneaks into everything.And lately? It's been the backdrop of my life, louder than my dog Big when Amazon dares to approach the porch. There have been days I truly didn’t think I was going to make it.Days when it felt like the entire foundation of my world was about to give way.And on those days, the pain of estrangement from my adult daughter pressed on my chest like an elephant in heels—glamorous but crushing. Panic attacks.Dizzy spells.Seizures.The full list of “I-didn’t-sign-up-for-this” symptoms. But I’m not made of glass.I’m made of Vibranium .The same stuff Captain America’s shield is made of—minus the spandex and with a lot more dry shampoo and caffeine. ✨ Enter: ADA Paws Pass by Crystal.  ✨Our mission? To raise awareness for those with invisible disabilities and give service dogs (and their humans) the recognition, access, and style they deserve. We are so close to full launch, and it’s starting to feel real.Our brand-new tees have landed—and honey, they’re EVERYTHING. Soft. Strong. Covered in purpose. Stamped with the Sunflower Symbol to spread awareness for invisible disabilities and service dog access. And here’s the beautiful part about sunflowers—During the day, they track the sun, soaking in every bit of warmth and energy it gives.At night, they droop. Not because they’re weak, but because they’re wise. They conserve energy. They rest—so they can rise again. That’s exactly what it means to live with an invisible disability. Some days we shine, some days we droop—but we’re always growing. Always facing the light when we can.Still here. Still beautiful. Still pushing forward. These shirts say:“I’ve been through it, but I still showed up.” And for those incredible people who support us?The shirts say:“I’m with them. I get it. I care. I’ll help. I’ll show up.” PLUS—big news— dog fashion  is coming soon! Because service dogs and emotional support animals always deserve to look their best too. Big, my 105-pound Service Dog CEO, demands nothing less. 🐾👔 You can check out our site at www.pawspassada.com .It’s still under construction — inventory isn’t loaded yet, and I’m still adding info and links.But if you want to pre-order, just send me a DM! This Monday, I get to gift some of these tees to a class of amazing children—because their teacher just happens to be my BFF from high school .Yes, the same one who helped me survive 80s fashion.(We made it through jelly shoes, perms, shoulder pads, and electric blue eyeliner—we are unstoppable.) And, oh yeah—I'm getting ready for Italy .I may be weepy, wobbly, and worn out, but I’m still packing my bags and preparing to sing.Life’s not waiting, and neither am I. Some days, I crawl.Some days, I strut.Most days, I hobble forward in jeans that fit , a Sunflower shirt , a smile held together by faith and caffeine, and a 105-pound Service Dog CEO named Big. If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re inching your way through a fog—know this:You’re not alone.One inch at a time is still forward.Slow and steady is still progress.You’re still here—and that’s everything. With sass, soul, and a suitcase full of hope, Crystal & Big 🐾 Founder of ADA Paws Pass | Warrior Queen | Vibranium-Wrapped | Still Crawling, Still Hoping, Still Fabulous Please Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you! #EstrangementRecovery #InvisibleDisabilityAwareness #SunflowerStrong #ADAPawsPass #ServiceDogLife #EmotionalSupportAnimals #MentalHealthMatters #SurvivorSpirit #OneDayAtATime #MadeOfVibranium #StillStanding #DogFashionMatters #SassyAndStrong #CrystalAndBig #GriefAndGrace #EstrangedButEmpowered #SlowAndSteadyWinsTheRace #MyComebackStory #DisabledNotDefeated #FromHeartbreakToHealing #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild

Here I am, in the background at the Mrs. Tennessee America 2025. The Winner is in the front. There I am not being noticed. I am still beautiful. Guess what?? I noticed! There are chapters in life I never imagined I’d have to write. Some involve heartbreak, betrayal, or loss. But one of the hardest — and least talked about — has been estrangement. It’s the quiet absence that screams in the middle of life’s chaos. It’s the text that never comes, the chair that stays empty, the milestones that pass without a phone call. And when life gets messy — not because I’m falling apart, but because I’m stretching, growing, and stepping into new things — that estrangement feels even heavier. What Happens When They Don’t Show Up? I just finished competing in the Mrs. Tennessee America Pageant — something that took courage, vulnerability, and so much heart. It was an experience that left me forever changed. Now I’m looking ahead to more goals: returning to Italy to sing in about a month, deciding whether I’ll step into another pageant, and launching my new business, ADA Paws Pass by Crystal . My life is full right now — full of momentum, full of calling, full of ideas I’m finally brave enough to pursue. But even in all of this fullness, there’s an emptiness I carry quietly. I do talk to two of my adult children, and I’m truly grateful for that. But I still feel a distance — especially with our adult daughter, who I’m currently estranged from. I don’t get the sense that any of them are truly interested in these new adventures — not in the way I imagined or longed for. And that silence? It hurts more than I can put into words. When There Are No Answers The estrangement with our adult daughter didn’t happen because of one big blowout. It happened because of unspoken expectations and misunderstood communications. It was more of a slow drift — one that left me wondering when the closeness faded and why it hasn’t come back. I’ve replayed conversations, second-guessed myself, and searched for the turning point… but the answers just aren’t there. What I do know is this: I want to share my life with them. The wins. The struggles. The moments that matter. I want to say, Look what I’m doing. Look how I’ve grown. I wish you could see me. But when that desire meets disinterest or silence, it makes everything feel a little lonelier — even the most joyful moments. I Keep Building Anyway Still, I show up. I keep going. I let myself grieve what’s missing, but I don’t let it stop me from creating what’s possible. I keep showing up — for my calling, for my purpose, for the people who do  see me, and most importantly, for me . I take the stage.I get on the plane.I start the business.I wear the dress.I tell my story. I make the memory — even if the people I thought would be clapping aren’t in the crowd. I Can Love Them Without Contact This is where I’m learning to live in the tension — to love people deeply, even from a distance. To carry memories and hope without needing the fairytale ending. I’ve learned that I can forgive without forgetting.I can honor the love that was, even if the relationship no longer is.I can find healing even when reconciliation isn’t on the table. I don’t need to have all the answers to move forward. I just need to take the next right step. The Weight I’m Carrying Right Now I have to tell you that none of these things are easy. Since I participated in the Mrs. Tennessee America Pageant, I’ve experienced discrimination simply because people don’t understand the rights of individuals with disabilities under the ADA — especially those of us who rely on service dogs. I came home, and now Nelson and I are facing one of the hardest challenges we’ve ever walked through as a couple. I felt incredibly discouraged today. So much has happened in just two weeks — my life has been turned upside down, sideways, in circles. I don’t even recognize myself anymore, even compared to who I was just a few days ago. I’m aching for something good, something to celebrate. And to be honest, Mother's Day was terrible. It reminded me of everything I’ve lost, everything that still hurts. A Final Word Living with estrangement during a time of growth doesn’t make me weak. It makes me real. It means I have a heart big enough to feel both joy and grief, love and loss, all at the same time. So if you’re walking through something like this too, I want to tell you what I’m learning to tell myself: You are not alone.You are not invisible.You are still worthy of love and celebration. Even if they never say it — I will :I see you. I’m proud of you. And your story matters. Please remember you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. We want to know your story. #LivingWithEstrangement#EstrangedButStillLoving#MothersDayGrief#WhenLifeGetsMessy#MentalHealthMatters#FaithThroughHardTimes#ServiceDogSupport#ADAAwareness#InvisibleDisabilities#MrsTennesseeAmerica#WomenWithPurpose#GriefAndGrowth#EstrangedMothersClub#MyStoryMatters#ResilienceInPain#PageantJourney#StartingOverAgain#HealingInProgress#ADAAdvocate#ReclaimYourVoice#SurvivorStrength#StillStanding#OneDayAtATime#YouAreNotAlone

Crystal's Left Broken Leg. The sock was because it was December, and my toes stayed cold! Estrangement with your adult child changes you in ways you would never have imagined. Having our adult daughter cut off all communication with us, and tell us to stop communicating with her, causes overwhelming feelings of rejection, betrayal, broken trust, belittlement, self-doubt, grief, loss and many other emotions. You spend an abundance of time working to process these feelings, and move on in your life. I deliberately look for things that are healthy and worthwhile, things that will help others, and keep my mind and heart positive. This journey has not been linear. It’s more like a GPS gone rogue. "Rerouting... rerouting... rerouting..." It's a spiritual GPS now, and the only voice I trust is God’s. And I have had to cling to that voice through the whirlwind of emotions and health complications, all while trying to maintain grace (and my balance... literally). Because, let’s face it, my body’s been staging a rebellion for years. I live with Complex PTSD, Severe Anxiety, Seizures, Panic Attacks, Vestibular Migraines, balance issues, and yes — I am a fall risk. I should probably be bubble-wrapped, but apparently Amazon doesn’t carry that in human size. To assist with daily living, I have a service dog. Not an accessory. Not an emotional support animal. A trained, working service dog. His name is Big — and he’s 105 pounds of absolute professional, loyal, slobbery goodness. But apparently, to society, Big is just a dog. I've had people ask for paperwork, proof, certifications — you name it. For the record, under ADA law, that is not only unnecessary, but it’s also illegal to demand. Spoiler alert: There’s no magical Hogwarts-style service dog diploma. And yet, discrimination is alive and well. This week, I was denied the opportunity to enter an event because the organizers had “never had anyone with a service dog before” and felt Big might “distract others.” They said they hoped I would understand. And you know what? I do understand. I understand they are completely uneducated about the law and that what they’re doing is called disability discrimination. It’s against the law, folks. And in the future, they need to take into consideration that they are breaking ADA laws and could be sued by someone if they continue to be uninformed. Just when you think things can't get more Lifetime-movie-esque, I broke my left leg walking — in 2023. That’s right — one step, boom. I had just closed my car door, took one step, and I was down. It happened in the street, parked in front of my children's dad’s house. (Yes, you can go ahead and picture it in slow motion — that’s how it felt.) Then I went to the emergency room and told them I was a fall risk. They still gave me crutches and told me that was all they had to offer. I had a freshly wrapped broken leg, and the hospital attendants saw that I was extremely unsteady on the crutches. Despite that, they let me attempt to crutch my way out the door to the car where my son and his fiancée (now spouse)were waiting. Before I made it to the car, I fell again. They are fortunate that I didn't break anything else or cause more damage to my just broken leg. I was thankful to God as well. Soon after, a wonderful friend who had gone through something similar loaned me her electric wheelchair. I'm forever grateful for her kindness and generosity. And through it all, my dogs — Big, and my other four (yes, I said four, which makes five in all — save your judgment, you don't have to have them or love animals as much as I do) — Jace, Pippin, Lilly Rose, and Duchess Sophie, save my life and sanity every single day. Jace has literally saved my life. I was attacked by a dog while walking him, and Jace jumped into action and protected me. I have the scars to prove it. My life is a Lifetime drama. Or did I say that already? Still, I am simply living and doing the very best that I can to be the best version of me, and to please and glorify God in every way possible. At the end of my life, I just want to stand before Him and hear: "Well done, my good and faithful servant." That is all I want. And maybe a nap. Definitely a nap.

The Front of the T-Shirts for ADA Paws Pass by Crystal You know those moments where everything’s going great, and then, out of nowhere, it’s like someone threw a giant paperwork storm at you? That’s exactly what happened to me at the Mrs. Tennessee America Pageant —but this time, it wasn’t just about paperwork, it was about Big , my service dog, and me fighting the good fight for ADA rights  in stilettos. The Resort: Where Paperwork Grew Legs It all started innocently enough at the resort. I was pumped to be there, feeling ready to represent my mental health platform—until I was asked to “put paperwork on file”  for my service dog. Um… What? I don’t know about you, but according to ADA Law , people with service dogs (like me) don’t need to register  or show paperwork  to get through the door. In fact, businesses can only ask two questions: Is this a service dog? What work or task is it trained to do? Big’s a trained professional. But apparently, the resort staff didn’t get the memo. I was asked to give them paperwork, which, just so we’re clear, they legally cannot ask for. 🤦‍♀️ But wait, it gets better! Not only did they want my “paperwork on file,” they actually wanted me to sign a contract  about my service dog—because, you know, what’s a vacation without a little legal drama, right? 😅 The Event Center: An Emotional Rollercoaster, Now With Seizures Next stop: the event center . So, Big and I walk in for the pageant prep, and I kid you not, there was an impromptu service dog inspection . You know, because who doesn’t want to add a little extra drama to their day? A staff member insisted once again that I needed to “put paperwork on file” for Big. But, the day before, he had been with me in that building all day without any issues . Let that sink in. After rehearsals, dinner, and absolutely zero complaints, we’re back for showtime and suddenly I’m public enemy #1 for not having a folder of paperwork in hand. Of course, a few uninvited voices jumped in with their "You do need paperwork"  comments. Thank you, stranger, for your unsolicited legal advice. 🙄 Before I knew it, I was surrounded, panicked, shaking, and—yep, you guessed it— I had a panic attack and a seizure backstage . But then, right on cue, Big went into action with his touch therapy , gently pressing his body against me, offering calm and stability in the middle of the chaos. Meanwhile, my husband rushed backstage, his presence a grounding force. He grabbed my medication and quickly fetched a bowl of ice water  for me to use as part of my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)  technique. DBT is one of the tools that helps me regulate my emotions in high-stress situations, and it was a game-changer in this moment. Big’s touch therapy and my husband’s quick thinking helped me get through this intense ordeal, but it shouldn’t have had to come to this. Compassion, Not Confrontation Listen, if you’re living with Complex PTSD , Vestibular Migraines , and balance issues, a surprise "Are you sure this dog is a service animal?"  moment is not your idea of a good time. It’s not cute. It’s not funny. And it definitely doesn’t help with estrangement  from one of your adult daughters, which, by the way, is a challenge that doesn't need to be rubbed in your face while you’re trying to just, you know, exist and do the pageant thing . What I needed was a little compassion , not a 20-question interrogation. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. Finding Purpose, Even Through Pain Even though the emotional pain of being estranged  from one of my adult daughters still lingers, I’ve learned to find purpose . Having Big  by my side has given me the freedom to be myself , to socialize, and to educate  people about how service dogs work. Instead of feeling isolated and judged, I get to take the opportunity to raise awareness about invisible disabilities, PTSD, and the importance of having a service dog. And hey, I don’t stop there . I’ve got four other dogs —yes, five dogs  in total. All of them are emotional support animals. And I’ll tell you, they do wonders for my mental health. So, don’t judge . It’s not your house , and you don’t know how much these animals help me through tough days. They’re part of my journey, and they deserve just as much respect as any service dog. 🐾 Why I Created ADA Paws Pass by Crystal This whole experience is exactly why I started ADA Paws Pass by Crystal —to help people like me who just want to live our lives without getting questioned or judged for needing our service dogs . This is all about educating  the public (and yes, event centers, I’m looking at you) on the real rights of service dog handlers under the ADA law. It’s also for those of us with invisible disabilities , who don’t have a “badge of honor” plastered on us telling the world we need extra help. We don’t need to carry around stacks of paperwork—just understanding. It’s all about raising awareness, bridging ignorance to education, and turning pain into purpose . I also created it so that nobody has to experience what I did : confusion, stress, and public humiliation. Nope. Let’s not do that. What’s In It for You? (Besides Helping Me Avoid More Panic Attacks 😅) ADA Paws Pass  isn’t just about legal advocacy; we’ve also got some fun products to help spread the word and make life a little easier for people with service dogs (and their handlers): T-shirts with the Sunflower Symbol : You know, because sunflowers are not just for decoration—they’re the international symbol for invisible disabilities ! Plus, each shirt comes with a QR code that links directly to the ADA Service Dog page,  for all your ADA law needs. Bonus: You’ll look stylish while raising awareness. 🌻 Hats with the Sunflower Symbol : If you’re more of a “hat person,” we’ve got you covered (literally). These hats also have the QR code and are great for a casual but impactful look. 👒 And as if that wasn’t enough, the ADA Paws Pass by Crystal  website is coming soon, and more products are in the works—so stay tuned! Supporting Our Veterans Here’s the kicker: 10% of the profits  from every purchase go to Fortunate Sons , an amazing organization that helps veterans  in their recovery from PTSD. So, you’re not just rocking a cool shirt or hat—you’re also helping heroes who need it most. 🦸‍♂️🇺🇸 Call to Action: Time to Join the Pack Stand with Big, and stand with us!  If you want to pre-order your ADA Paws Pass t-shirt or hat , message me through my Facebook page . You’ll be helping spread awareness, raising support for invisible disabilities, and most importantly, making sure people like me—and Big—are never  stopped from doing what we have every right to do. It’s time to turn frustration into fashion ! Please remember that you are loved and enough. Leave a Comment and let us hear from you! We want to know your story. #ADAServiceDog #ServiceDogs #InvisibleDisabilities #MentalHealthAwareness #PTSDRecovery #FortunateSons #PageantDrama #SunflowerSymbol #BigAndMe #ServiceDogRights #DisabilityAdvocacy #PreOrderNow #RaiseAwareness #SupportVeterans #ADA #DogsOfInstagram #EmpathyMatters #FashionForACause #Estrangement #EstrangementWithAdultDaughter

Me Backstage at the Mrs. Tennessee America Pageant. I will not let estrangement stop me from being my best self! Well, folks… I did it! I competed in the Mrs. Tennessee America Pageant  and had an absolutely royal  time! From the sparkles to the sisterhood, I left the stage with a full heart, a few sore muscles (those gowns are heavy ), and a deeper appreciation for supportive friends, pageant hairspray, and my Service Dog. Big Steals the Show! Speaking of dogs—my beloved Service Dog, Big , was a total showstopper ! While I was dolled up in my gown, Big strutted through the venue with the confidence of a runway model and the purpose of a true working dog. We were quite the duo—me in heels, him in his vest—spreading awareness and breaking stigmas left and right. He even “woo-wooed” on stage  for the audience, earning laughs, applause, and probably more hearts than I did! Big was living his best life, and honestly, I think he thought the whole event was for him. Nelson and I had countless beautiful conversations with curious strangers about Service Dogs : how they’re trained, what they can do, where they can go, and what the law says about their rights. We were thrilled to find that people are eager to learn. Big even gained some new fans and followers on Instagram  (yes, he’s an influencer now). He’s basically the real celebrity of our family. I just wear the sash. Big"s QR code for Instgram Swimsuit Round: Confidence in Every Step And let’s not forget an essential part of the competition: swimsuit round . Let me tell you—walking confidently in a swimsuit onstage is an empowering experience… especially after losing 62 pounds ! It was a personal victory to even step on that stage, let alone strut with a smile. And yes, I had help from the trusty tool every seasoned pageant girl swears by: butt glue . Yep, it’s a real thing. And it works. Just one more thing I never thought I’d add to my weekend packing list! The Power of Support But the highlight of the weekend wasn’t just the stage—it was the support . My amazing BFF and her precious granddaughters  came to cheer me on, along with my sweet husband . There’s nothing like knowing the people who love you most are in the audience, clapping like wild at all the right moments, and reminding you that you’re already a winner just by showing up with courage and conviction. The Ticket That Took Us by Surprise Now, if this were a fairy tale, I’d end here and cue the Disney music… but alas, real life  doesn’t always come with neat little bows or theme songs. Just as I was floating down from the pageant high, guess what landed in our mailbox? A traffic ticket . Not ours. Oh no, that would be too simple. This little surprise was for my estranged adult daughter —the one who explicitly told us in a letter (yes, a formal letter) that we are not to contact her. No calls. No texts. No emails. No carrier pigeons. No smoke signals. Unless it’s a medical emergency or car maintenance (emphasis on the "or"). Because any contact from us causes her anxiety. Okay. Deep breath. Respecting boundaries? Check. The CRV Situation So here’s where things get twisty: once upon a time, we signed over our old CRV  to our children’s dad, with the intention that she would use it . The idea was to help her have a car, while clearly stepping away from financial or logistical responsibility. In her “Do Not Contact Me” letter, she made it clear—this was the boundary. And we respected that. So we stopped paying for insurance, maintenance, taxes, etc. It’s now Dad’s deal . Well, months later , he still hasn’t registered the car in his name. So when the ticket arrived, it came to us . Insert heavy sigh and the tiniest eye twitch here. I gave it to my son, who sees his dad regularly, and asked him to pass it along. I even texted her dad to say, “Hey, we got a ticket in the mail for your daughter’s car. Sending it your way. Also—have you registered it yet?” His response? “No. It’s on my list. Sorry.” Just sorry. And then… nothing. From anyone. Staying Strong and Moving Forward Now, I’m not saying we’re perfect parents. But let’s be real—when someone says contact with us gives them anxiety , maybe they  shouldn’t be giving us  heart palpitations by letting tickets arrive at our house? But we move on. We breathe. We respect boundaries (even when it’s a one-way street). And we keep living our lives. And me? I shift my focus back to creating something good —a new business idea  that will empower others like me who live with invisible disabilities  and rely on Service Dogs  like Big to navigate the world with independence and dignity. Because if there’s one thing this season of life is teaching me, it’s this: the best crowns are the ones you earn through resilience.  And whether you’re wearing a tiara, a swimsuit with butt glue, or a dog harness, the job is the same—show up, speak truth, and help someone along the way. Until next time, may your mailboxes be boring, your heels be sturdy, and your Service Dogs be adorable. Love, Crystal & Big  🐾 Remember you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you! We want to know your story! Make sure to subscribe to this blog! #MrsTennesseeAmerica #PageantLife #BeautyAndBrains #PageantJourney #CrownedAndConfident #SwimsuitConfidence #62PoundsDown #PersonalVictory #ResilienceIsKey #ShiningBright #QueenVibes #ServiceDogLife #BigTheServiceDog #InvisibleDisabilities #ServiceDogAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #MentalHealthAwareness #InvisibleIllnesses #RescueDogPower #EstrangedFamily #EstrangementJourney #FamilyBoundaries #RespectingBoundaries #FamilyHealing #MovingForward #ToughLove #LifeInProgress #KeepMovingForward #ResilientLiving #LifeLessons #NewBeginnings #CreatingSomethingGood #PositiveVibesOnly #GrowthMindset #TakingControl #LiveWithPurpose

Estrangement and Rising Anyway I’m preparing to compete for the title of Mrs. Tennessee America this Saturday , and while the crown sparkles with opportunity, the journey here hasn’t been glamorous. It’s been hard  — painfully, privately hard. I’m walking this path with the weight of estrangement from an adult child. That word — estranged  — it echoes in my chest sometimes. It doesn't just mean distance. It means a kind of silence that screams. It means unresolved questions, birthdays missed, memories tucked in drawers that no longer open. The pain of it isn’t always visible, but it’s there. A bruise beneath the surface. Sometimes, I don’t think my family really sees it. They have their own lives, and they stay on the side of the lines they’ve drawn. And I try to respect that… but I struggle with not having them close — not in the way I need. I don’t even know if my husband truly understands the weight I carry, or what his role could mean in moments like this. I long for him to step into that place of steady strength — and sometimes, I just don’t feel it. That’s not blame — it’s just the ache of unmet needs. The pain deepens when I see the way my ex-husband continues to act. Distant. Obtuse. Not cruel — just disconnected in a way that magnifies the loneliness. It’s hard to feel so completely alone while standing in a house full of memories. But here’s the thing: I still choose to rise. Not because it’s easy.Not because everything is okay.But because I refuse to let what’s uncertain steal what’s possible. And I don’t rise entirely alone. God, in His deep kindness, has given me three extraordinary friends — people who show up without needing a spotlight, who speak life over my dreams and sit with me in the shadows when everything feels heavy. They are the quiet gifts I didn’t know I needed. Because of them, it all feels possible  again. I’ve done what I could. I’ve shown up with love, even when it was met with silence. I’ve carried weight I never planned for. But I owe it to myself  to keep moving — to walk forward with grace and fire, even when the ground beneath me shakes. There’s a part of me that still aches. Of course there is. I’m human, and I care deeply. But I will not allow what I cannot control to sabotage what I can still  become. I am not competing with perfection. I am competing with authenticity, with purpose, and with quiet resilience. To anyone reading this who feels strangely estranged — who’s navigating broken ties while chasing dreams — know this: You are not alone. And your worth is not diminished by someone else’s inability to see it. You can rise with a broken heart.You can walk the runway of life — or a stage in Gatlinburg — with grief in your gut and power in your presence.You can be both healing and unshakable at the same time. And you are worthy of every beautiful thing coming your way. — Crystal McDaniel Mrs. Chattanooga America Mental Health Advocate | Survivor | Voice of Resilience #RisingThroughEstrangement #CompetingWithCourage #BrokenButStrong #MentalHealthAwareness #Resilience #Survivor #StayStrong #Estrangement #HealingJourney #StrengthInAdversity #Inspiration #CourageToRise #MrsTennesseeAmerica #Empowerment #FaithAndStrength #PersonalGrowth #HealingHeart #YouAreWorthy #MentalHealthAdvocate #RiseAbove #FindYourStrength #MrsChattanoogaAmerica

Causes of Estrangement There is a, " New Silent Epidemic ," going on in our culture today. It is called Estrangement . In our case, it is estrangement with our adult daughter. Estrangement is on the rise. I am a researcher. I do lots of research, on a lot of different subjects. Since this is the path that we are walking right now, I research estrangement. In my research, I have found out that 1/4 of parents/families in the United States are going through some kind of estrangement with a family member. In the majority of cases, it is an estrangement with an adult child. I wish I could write this blog only from one perspective. It would not be the most prudent thing to do. When I decided to put this blog out into the world, I did it to help myself to understand the estrangement we have with our adult daughter. Writing my thoughts and feelings has always been a great way for me to process different events in my life, be they positive or negative. So...in this particular blog subject, I have to look at both sides in order to get a better understanding. Honestly, I would rather act like a child and cry, then stomp my feet and scream, "ENOUGH ALREADY, GET A GRIP YOUNG LADY!" If I did that, it would only strengthen the reasons that the estrangement happened in the first place. (At least from her perspective). I asked my son and other daughter a question this week. I have had a pretty hard mental and emotional week, dealing with the estrangement with our adult daughter. I asked them the question, "Does she still love me?" I do not feel loved. I feel abandoned, betrayed, and lost. I told Nelson that it makes me feel like I have lost a part of my identity, and it really makes me doubt myself. My son and other daughter said that she does love me. In fact, I was told, "Loving you has never been the issue." The only way I can process that information is to say, "Ok..." That statement truly leaves me feeling empty. This is where all the perspectives come in to play. One perspective says, "We love you, we just don't always need you." What is my perspective? I think that type of thinking stinks!!! I completely get that my adult children don't need me to make decisions for them. They fully have the ability to make solid, wise decisions. It is as though they think that I want them to need me to do life for them, to be so involved that they don't have the freedom to make decisions on their own. It seems like they believe I want to control them. I can tell you right now, I DON'T! I have enough on my plate without being in the middle of their lives and decisions. Good Grief. I feel very misunderstood. I didn't need my mother in the middle of all of my life either. I did need her. I needed her love, concern, listening ear. I needed her presence, and support. I loved her, and wanted her and needed her to be around in my life. It seems to me, that my adult daughters have an extremely different view and understanding of the word, "need." I cannot express to you enough, how misunderstood it makes me feel. To quote from Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare , "Oh, Wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?" (Even though there is a completely different meaning for this quote, than how I am using it). LOL No matter what, I have learned to just keep my mouth closed, and my hands off of these subjects with my adult son and adult daughter. Talking with them about these type of things, (even though they are adults), is completely useless, and gets me nowhere. What did I find out in my research? Along with the statistic that 1 out of every 4 people in the U.S. is involved in some sort of family estrangement, it is on the rise. Not only are the divorce rates rising, adult children becoming estranged from their parents is truly becoming an epidemic. The reasons vary. Some estrange themselves due to conflicts between spouses. An adult child may be married to someone who doesn't like the parents, and there is too much tension, and anxiety involved. The adult child feels they have no choice, and chooses their spouse. That is completely understandable. I do not say this to give the impression I approve. I just understand the point. Some adult children estrange themselves due to parents having alcohol/drug addictions. Some cut-off communication due to physical, mental, and emotional abuse. There is also the point of having different beliefs and values, and they don't align with what their parents believe and value. In our case, I believe the cause is enmeshment. I think my estranged adult daughter feels that she was too close to have her own life, thoughts, beliefs, and identity. If I look at the situation from that particular point-of-view, I can understand her decision. There are some relationships that I have walked away from, due to the need to be my own person, and not be influenced by the thoughts and opinions of the others in the relationship. I see the perspective and understand it. I still feel extreme pain and loss. In my research, I also learned that from the perspective of the parents, estrangement with an adult child can cause a tidal wave of damage, leaving parents in the emotional rubble to pick up the pieces of what is left of their lives. Parental estrangement—when an adult child cuts off contact or severely limits communication—can have significant mental health effects on parents. The emotional impact is often profound, resembling grief or even trauma. Here are some key mental and emotional consequences: Grief and Loss  – Estrangement can feel like mourning a living person, leading to intense sadness and longing. Depression and Anxiety  – Many parents experience depression, heightened anxiety, and even symptoms of post-traumatic stress due to the rejection. Social Isolation  – Parents may withdraw from social interactions, feeling ashamed or reluctant to discuss the situation with friends or family. Chronic Stress  – The emotional strain can lead to physical health problems such as high blood pressure, insomnia, or weakened immune function. Self-Doubt and Guilt  – Some parents repeatedly question their past choices, wondering what went wrong and blaming themselves. Loss of Identity  – Parental roles are deeply tied to identity, and estrangement can disrupt a sense of purpose and belonging. I have experienced every single one of the items on this list. I work daily to move forward anyway. It is not easy. Especially when I feel all these things, and I am competing for the title of Mrs. Tennessee America next week. I have to work overtime to keep my eyes on my goal, and not be distracted by my feelings about this estrangement with my adult daughter, that I cannot control and can do nothing about. The last of my research this week promotes me to weigh the pros and cons about allowing my heart to let her go. What I mean is this; allowing my heart to let her go is to close the door, and accept that she is gone. Doing this sets me free to live my life without the pain of her choice and absence all the time. I believe this is a good decision for me to make. The other side of the coin is to keep my heart open, and continue to yearn, and have full faith and hope that she will return. Though the latter sounds much more positive, it leaves me wide open to just wait and wait and wait, and stay stuck. Allowing my heart to let her go, gives me the peace to live my life in a new and free way. That sounds great! It is what I am leaning towards, except for one small glitch...if she randomly calls and tries to reconnect, that leaves me with making a choice between opening my heart again, knowing that she may just simply cut-off our relationship again, and keeping my distance and letting our relationship remain at arms length. Neither prospect sounds ideal. Things have changed. The landscape of my family is forever altered now, and nothing will be the same. Stay tuned to find out which option Nelson and I will choose! Please remember you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us here from you. Nelson and I want to know your story. #EstrangementAwareness #FamilyEstrangement #BreakingTheSilence #UnspokenGrief #TheSilentEpidemic #ModernEstrangement #HealingFromEstrangement #BoundariesAreHealthy #HealingIsMessy #HealingJourney #BreakingGenerationalCycles #MentalHealthMatters #ChoosingPeaceOverPeople #EstrangementRecovery #MyEstrangementStory #YouAreNotAlone #TellYourTruth #HealingThroughHonesty #RedefiningFamily #TheNewGrief #EstrangementIsTheNewExile #RewritingFamily #EstrangementExplained #WhenFamilyHurts

Big and Me Estrangement with our adult daughter is draining. Nelson and I have to do a lot to refill our mental, emotional, and physical cups on a daily basis. It is similar to have a really slow leak in a bathtub. You can fill it up with water, and when you go back and check it a little later, the water level is a good bit lower, than it was at the start. We have to make a conscious choice to do good things, every single day, that we enjoy. We are becoming more and more intentional about taking care of ourselves in this manner. Today, we went out to lunch after church, and enjoyed a bit of the beautiful day. I enjoyed the time we had together. I picked out the title of this blog, first because the words are very recognizable. Being a singer, and performer of Opera/Musical Theatre, it is obvious that I am going to use something musically related to express myself, LOL. So..."Here is the gist, a practical list," (another musical reference, "Oklahoma, Rogers/Hammerstein), of some of our favorite things to do to help ourselves feel better, live better, and love better. Take walks. Chattanooga is a beautiful city, it is home to a lot of wonderful resources, offers plenty of opportunities to enjoy the day, or evening, and have a bit of a staycation. We love to take walks. The Chattanooga Riverpark is so very beautiful, and follows a few miles of the Tennessee River, boasting fresh air and beautiful views. One of the paths we take along the river, goes through the Art District, we then cross over the Historic Walnut Street Bridge, and walk the sidewalks of the North Shore Area. It is free to do, gives us the opportunity to talk, and walk the dogs. Owning Dogs. Having our dogs truly helps our emotional and mental health. I am not saying that all people who are dealing with an estrangement need to have dogs. Not all people are dog people. I am an animal person. Not just a dog person. I would have all the animals, if I could. I can say, that our dogs help us tremendously. They keep us moving. They need attention, and care. They get us out of the house, and into the world. They require exercise, thus the walking. They pick up on our energy. They require us to work on our mental and emotional health, so that it influences them in a positive way. If I have a high anxiety day, they will too. It promotes us to pay attention to how we speak and feel. It is beneficial to our communication with one another. Having our dogs, helps me to have a place to put my love, and need to nurture into play. Loving and nurturing our dogs, gives me a feeling of peace, and that I am needed. Living estranged from our adult daughter, and hearing from our two other adult children during Family Therapy, helped me to realize that I have to develop a new, healthier relationship with my grown children. That has not been an easy journey for me. Most of the time, it brings up feelings of rejection, and being unneeded, or just plain unwanted. All of that is leftover trauma from my childhood. I have to find my own path. My own purpose. Having our dogs, gives me a positive message, and support in the changes that I am making in our marriage, and in my life. My dogs never make me feel rejected, or unwanted. That is very healing. Being someone with Complex PTSD, plus Vestibular Migraines, balance issues, PNES, (Psychogenic Nonepileptic Seizures), and being a fall risk, has required that I have a Service Dog. It is too dangerous for me to go out alone, without some assistance. Because of my extreme anxiety, I am not comfortable going places alone. Having my service dog, Big, helps. He is an ice breaker. People tend to be more open and friendly. That makes going out much easier for me to navigate. Open and friendly is good. I also know that Big is there to assist me, if I have any trouble. Having him eases Nelson's concerns about my being out and alone as well. Finding a great church. Our faith is important to us. Knowing there is a loving, kind, and good God, that is always on our side, is the biggest focus in our lives. For many years we were involved in a church that we never felt comfortable in. It was never home. Now, we are members of a great church. Our church family is wonderful. People are starting to recognize us, they stop and speak to us. It is the opposite of what we had before. We love to stop and speak to them. It is beginning to feel like home. Slowly, I am feeling the desire to become more involved in the everyday church life. I am not as scared anymore. The people there, our new church family, has helped with that part of our healing as well. We cannot go around the estrangement and the problems that caused it. We cannot go over, or under these issues. We have to go through the pain of estrangement, and all of the junk that comes with it. God will walk us through the wilderness we find ourselves in, and the church people we have found are truly willing to listen, support, and walk with us. So...yes, having a great church to attend is one of my favorite things! My Friends. My friends are my chosen family. They are my pulse, and heartbeat. I am blessed enough to have 3 very close friends. I am so very grateful. Two of my friends live close to me. One is in town, one is a little less than an hour and a half away. The other one live in California. I get together with them as often as possible. I plan time with the one in town on a weekly basis. I talk with the other two every few days. We support each other in a loving, non-judgemental way. We love each other. We listen, and show-up for each other. We carry each other's burdens. No weight is too heavy, or secret too deep. Everyone needs friends like this in their lives. It makes going through the terrible storms in life easier. This is the short list of my favorite things that help Nelson and I through this hard time of estrangement with our adult daughter. All of these things help with the day to day complications of having Complex PTSD, and my other physical health issues. I use other techniques, such as EMDR, DBT, and CBT. It all begins to look like a strange alphabet, doesn't it? LOL. I would elaborate more about these techniques, and explain them more in depth, it is just very time consuming. If you are interested, please use google, and look them up. To finish this blog up for today, which is the first Monday in Holy Week for 2025, I want to encourage you to, "Take off your shoes, for this is Holy Ground." Exodus 3:5. What I mean is, do not let anything come in between you and God. The ground on which we walk is Holy, and we, as His children, are Holy. We are set apart to do His works here on Earth. Be filled with mercy, love, and compassion, just as Jesus is filled with mercy, love, and compassion. I sent a text yesterday, to my children's dad. I told him how sad it makes me to have birthdays,holidays, other special days to go by, and to hear nothing from her. I told him how sad it makes me to know she speaks to everyone else, except Nelson and me. I knew in sending it, I would get no response. And I was right, there was absolutely no response. I sent it because he and I have lost another child together. I know that he knows the pain of losing a child. I also told him that I understand that our estrangement issue is not his issue. These things are all factual. I said them, as much for myself, as I did for him. It would be easy for me to place judgement on his non-responsiveness. If I do that, it would mean that I had an expectation of a response. I knew in sending the message that there would be none. It was merely an expression of my feelings of loss and frustration. Just like writing this blog. I am simply letting out some of the steam and pressure that builds up. I don't know if it really helps, or if anyone reads this blog. Which brings me to the last of my favorite tools, journaling, and blogging. LOL. My sending their dad a text, and getting no response, is merely an example of the need we have to be vulnerable, and express compassion. If you don't know what to say, then just simply say, "I don't know what to say!" Actually communicate that you feel compassion and empathy, you just don't have answers. Be a listening ear, a caring physical presence. Jesus with skin for someone else. Take off your shoes, and don't let anything come between you and the Holy work God has placed in front of you. I hope my list of favorite things helps you in finding your own favorite things. We have to go on a search for what we like, and what we don't like. Just like Julia Roberts' character did in the movie, "The Runaway Bride." (If you haven't seen it, watch it. It is a fun movie). It takes courage, and effort to learn about yourself. You have to stop identifying the likes and dislikes of others, and find your own. My dogs are my very favorite choice of support every day. I love having Big with me everywhere I go. His presence brings me confidence and peace. That is something that I pray that everyone here that reads this blog, receives. Peace. Estrangement with an adult child is hard. The pain doesn't end, it becomes manageable, if you want that for yourself. That is part of the Holy Ground on which we stand. God is with us, and helps us make our pain in this world, manageable. "The Lord gave, and The Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21 Remember you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. Nelson and I want to know your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mrbig #servicedog #servicedogsofchattanooga #mentalhealthawareness #complexptsd #22shenanigans #fortunatesons #mrstennesseeamericapageant #mrschattanoogaamerica #myfavoritethings #gottahavefriends #takeawalk Credit given to "Sound of Music," Rogers/Hammerstein for the title of this blog.