Estrangement & the Question We’re Afraid to Ask: Is It OK Not to Like My Estranged Daughter?
- Crystal McDaniel
- May 22
- 4 min read
By Crystal McDaniel | Strangely Estranged
Estrangement is such an ugly word, isn’t it? It feels sharp—like it was designed to wound. And yet, here we are, living in it, breathing in its reality, and carrying its weight in our hearts. My husband Nelson and I never expected this chapter in our family’s story. We never imagined we’d be here, asking ourselves questions no parent ever thinks they’ll have to ask.
Like…“Is it ok not to like my estranged daughter?”
There it is. The truth I hesitate to say out loud. But silence is its own kind of pain. And if you’re reading this, maybe you’ve asked yourself the same question—whispered in the dark when no one else was listening.
The Grief That No One Talks About
Estrangement is grief.Not the tidy kind.Not the kind with casseroles and sympathy cards.It’s the kind you grieve over and over again—with no closure, no funeral, and no rules.
We’ve walked through every stage of it:
Denial – “This is just a phase. She’ll come around.”
Anger – Sharp, soul-deep rage at the disrespect, dishonor, and disregard.
Bargaining – “If I just say this one right thing…”
Depression – Heavy days where the silence feels louder than any scream.
Acceptance – But what does that even mean?
Some days, it feels like we’re cycling through them all before lunchtime.
The Honest Moments
There are times I just flat don’t like her.Not because I don’t love her—but because of this path she’s chosen. A path that’s ripped away shared memories, holidays, conversations, and trust. A path that feels like betrayal.
And there are some days…I don’t want her to even exist in my heart and mind.That’s a hard thing to confess. But it’s real.
Other times, I feel absolutely nothing.The emotional whiplash is real—one minute we’re grieving, the next we’re numb.From disappointment… to heartbreak… to resentment… to apathy.
Is it okay to admit that?
Because this is the hardest truth of all:I am trying to protect my own heart, mind, and emotional well-being.And I’m wondering…Is that wrong?
How Do You Love from a Distance?
How do you love someone who refuses to let you in?How do you stay emotionally available without being emotionally destroyed?
Boundaries.That word comes up a lot in family therapy.
And I’ll be honest—I hate that word.They’re invisible. Unknown.Who really knows where another person’s boundaries are until we cross one?And when they're pointed out, it can feel like a “keep off the grass” sign.
I try to respect them anyway.My daughter—my other adult daughter, the twin of the one who’s estranged—helps me with this.She checks in. She listens. She stays close, as long as I don’t step over her boundaries.She’s very close to her sister, and I carry that knowledge gently when we talk.
I don’t unload everything. I try to stay mindful. I stay aware that she has boundaries.I know I do, too.And so I work—hard—to keep watch on myself.To stay off the emotional lawn.
It’s exhausting sometimes, walking on emotional eggshells to preserve the relationship you do still have. But I love her. And I honor the space she needs, even when it hurts.
Searching for the Light
I’m searching for the light in the dark.I am desperate for the peace that passes all understanding—the kind that anchors your soul even when nothing makes sense.
And again, I say it...“My dogs help.”They’re here, loving and accepting, completely trusting and faithful.They don’t hold grudges. They don’t disappear without a word.They are my blessing.
And so is my adult son and his spouse.They love without conditions. They encourage without judgment.When my son hugs me, I feel that all will be well, regardless.
In a season where everything feels uncertain, they are the ones who remind me:I am still worthy of being loved well.
The Ache for Something More
I long for reconciliation.I pray for healing.I dream of conversations that aren’t filtered through pain.
But… do we have that kind of time to waste?
Time is precious. We aren’t promised tomorrow.And while I know that eternity holds all things restored and redeemed,I’d rather have restoration here—in the land of the living.
Still, I have to believe:Whatever I’ve lost now, I will gain in Heaven.But in the meantime, I choose to protect what’s left of my heart.To love from afar when I must.To hope when I can.To lean into what brings me peace—even if it has four paws, or opens its arms and says, “You’re not alone.”
To Those Walking This Road Too...
You’re not alone.
If you’re navigating the pain of estrangement, know that your grief is valid.Your anger is valid.Your confusion is valid.And so is your desire for peace.
This space—Strangely Estranged—is for the parents, the siblings, the spouses, the children who are stuck between love and heartbreak, between hope and acceptance.
We don’t have all the answers. But we do have each other.And maybe that’s where healing begins.
Remember you are loved and enough. Comment Below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We want to know your story!
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