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It has been rough. I know that you know that, I am just saying it out loud. Our life has been ROUGH lately. I have been consistently going after my, "Thanks." That is something that we have to do. In all situations, we have to say, "Thank you," to God. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV says, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I have known this verse since I was a small child. The Bible says, 'In ALL circumstances, not some, not the ones that are pleasant, but ALL circumstances." God is using all circumstances for our good, and everything He does is not to harm us, only to help us. We walk through the fire so that we can reflect Him. We are NOT alone, He is in the fire with us, just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Estrangement makes life rough. I have cried and cried and cried. At times estrangement brought me to my knees. I have cried out to God. God's grace is sufficient, and I give Him all the praise and glory for what He is doing in the lives of Nelson and me, my adult son, and my adult daughter. (It is hard to say adult daughter, because I do not want anyone to be confused reading this. The girls are twins, one is estranged, and the other is not). The one I am speaking of above is not estranged. Family Therapy is helping and we are finding an easier way to communicate with each other. This is all a good thing. Today is a good day. Nelson and I went to his office, we had a good time working there. We then had to go to the Car Dealership to make some adjustments on my car. That was a relief to me. We had our dog Pippin with us, and as usual, he charmed everyone. Pippin is loving and friendly. Afterwards we went to Aldi, and I picked up ingredients to make a Chicken Enchilada Casserole. It was yummy. In the meantime, the Georgia Bulldogs won their game today. It was fun to watch. All in all, Nelson and I had a wonderful day together. AND it rained for a little while finally. It has been dry and hot! It was nice to see then rain. It was a drama free day, and I am very thankful. I am thankful to God for the peace of the day. I am thankful that even with all that has been going on, Nelson and I are finding a way through this hard road we are walking. God is walking us through. Tomorrow, September 1st, marks a year. A whole year has gone by since this estrangement started. That is hard to believe. We saw our estranged daughter this past Christmas, for a total of 7 hours over a 3 day period of time. One hour at church on Christmas Eve, 4 hours on Christmas day, 2 hours at lunch the day after Christmas. We do not expect the same this year. I am planning on her not being here, especially after she sent the letter that she sent us. If she decides she wants to come, she is more than welcome. I am just not expecting it. Our new normal is living a life without her in it. I have handled the loss of a child before. This is not too much different. I grieved and grieved after Jackson died. A part of my heart went with him. God was with me then as well. It took time before I learned to laugh again, and smile again. Eventually, I did. Estrangement has the same effect. It has shifted my heart. There is a technique in my DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), that teaches what is called Radical Acceptance. It goes beyond just accepting the fact that my adult child doesn't want to speak to us. It is radically accepting the fact that there is nothing I can do. I cannot change the situation. It is ok to let go of her and live my life. I am still ok, even though my adult daughter is not in contact with me. Basically it is accepting things as they are, and then going beyond accepting them. I will say it this way, it is accepting acceptance. When you have Complex PTSD, it is a part of what you have to do. I have radically accepted that she is not in my life, by her choice, and I am good with that, I am more than good, I am living my life as fully as I can. It is a good day. I even woke up this morning and thought, "Mornings are great!" I have never had that thought in my life. I am excited about my new life, I am excited about the adventure Nelson and I are on. We are watching God create something out of nothing. That is an amazing thing to watch. I also have something new I am doing that I can't wait to share. I have a few more details to iron out and then I will announce what it is!! Today is a really good day! Please remember that you are loved and enough. Make sure to comment below, Nelson and I want to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementrecoveryforparents #estrangementwithadultchild #godisgood #todayisagoodday #newthingsarecoming

If you ask me, "Crystal, what kind of day did you have today," I am going to answer, "Very, Very Busy." I went to work with Nelson, to help him at the office. I then had to go to the doctor. Nothing big, just a well visit. Then back to the office with Nelson. I answered a text message or two for him, while he was in a meeting, did some invoicing for the studio, and then the air conditioner repair person called. I had to come back home to let them in and let the dogs out. I don't know that I have mentioned yet, we have 5 dogs. Four of them are ESA (emotional support animals), and the 5th is ESA/Service. I then had to go back to Nelson's office to help send out more text messages for him and start making a list and a plan for what needs to be done to further his new, growing health insurance business. He is doing a really great job. During the time between the house and my return to his office, he called and told me that a few of the office workers love Scentsy, and want to order from me. So suddenly, I had a "Scentsy Bag Party," going on! That is always fun! It was spontaneous and fun. It helped me to reach a goal for this month. I have one more day and I hope to make some more sales tomorrow. During all of this, I had a lovely conversation with my adult daughter, the one who is speaking to us. It was really nice, and I loved spending that time with her on the phone. It was open, caring, and healing. After all of this, I also received an exciting phone call, and now I am off to the races with yet another project. I am not quite ready to announce this newest adventure. It will be great though, and I will be able to talk about it soon. I can't wait to share it. I just have a few details to nail down first. It feels like a Genesis. A beginning. Genesis 1:1 NIV "In the beginning, God created..." I am excited to see what God is going to do. The Bible says, "Suddenly," and that is the way it all is, "Suddenly." God is at work, creating something that I cannot even perceive. I just feel it growing and coming into fruition. One day at a time, one step at a time. There is an order to it. God is not a God of chaos. He always has a plan for everything, even though we do not know what it is. I do know that it will all work for my good and for Nelson's good, and the good of our adult children. I trust in that fact. God's promises always come true. He is faithful and good. Even in this time of estrangement from our adult daughter, I know that something good is going to happen. I am expecting something good to happen. I do not want to fall into the darkness again. I am climbing out of the pit. God is helping on that climb. He will set my feet on a solid rock, and Nelson and I will have something better and stronger than we have ever had. We are doing things differently now. Family Therapy is helping. My DBT is helping, My individual therapy is helping. Little by little I see light at the end of the tunnel. More changes are coming and I can't wait to see them happening. I am grateful for all those blessings. I am learning to count my blessings again. It is better to have gratitude for what you do have, than grieve what you don't have. I have no power over what my estranged daughter did. Truth be told, the estrangement has nothing to do with me or Nelson. It has to do with our estranged adult daughter and what she is struggling with on her own. I pray for her every single day, and I ask you to do the same. I am grateful she is my daughter. She has to do what she needs to do for herself. I have placed her in God's trustworthy hands. I am over the top grateful for my adult son and my other adult daughter. They are strong, and loving. They are willing to do the work to be a solid family. They are willing to learn and grow and be vulnerable. It is amazing to see. It is so overwhelming to see God at work, creating something brand new. "In the beginning..." Genesis. Thank you Lord. P.S. I am going to have a portrait done of my dogs. I think it is high time! Please remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. Nelson and I want to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithyouradultchild #thankful #gratitude #genesis #lovemyson #lovemydaughter #godisgood

Self-Care is a subject we hear a lot about, and something I am terrible at doing. With all the therapy and family therapy, and things that I know to do, you would think that I would be an expert. I am not. I know what to do, however, I have not done much of it. I am ready to make that change. Growing up, I was taught that I had to take care of everyone else. I had to make sure I always helped Mama. I had to make sure that I picked up all my toys and shoes, (I was 2). The reason I had to pick all of those things up, was because my father was totally blind. Daddy could trip over toys and shoes. Sounds reasonable, right? Until it wasn't. There were so many rules. Push the chairs under the table. Leave the doors all the way open, or all the way closed. Never sit in Daddy's chair. Wipe all the counters down so Daddy doesn't get stuff on his hands. Never move anything that belongs to Daddy. Come immediately when Daddy calls. Make up your bed the moment your feet hit the floor. Come home immediately after school (unless you have band practice). Band practice ends at 5:00 p.m., be home by 5:15 p.m. The table has to be set no later than 5:20 p.m. The list goes on and on. Everything was centered around what Daddy needed and what Daddy wanted. I had to serve at all times. After I grew up, there were still rules. Daddy had to know where I was at all times, even after I got married. Daddy also demanded a key to our house, so that he could come in and out whenever he wanted to, and he didn't like it if he and mama dropped by and we weren't home. Living outside of all of those rules was very foreign. I wasn't allowed to self-care. Self-care, seemed like a completely selfish, self-centered thing to do. Now I am having to learn to self-care. I am learning how to breathe, and think about things I would enjoy doing for myself. I have to think about what I like, and how to have fun. It is quite a job. I have something that I have planned that I want to do, that will be a lot of work, and will help me to self-care. I have goals I want to reach and what I have planned will help me to spread my wings and go for those goals. I am glad that I have decided to do something that I think I am going to enjoy a lot. I am starting now. I have to get myself into really great shape. I am going to workout, lose weight, and learn to eat as healthy as possible. I am working on investing in me. Nelson and I are working together to reach our dreams and goals. I think it is the right thing to do. For the first time in my life, I am doing something just because I want to do it. I am glad for it. It is going to give me a really great goal, and allow me to be on the stage, and meet a lot of new people. I am looking forward to it a lot. I am not yet ready to let everyone know what I am going to do. I will when I am ready. Part of becoming healthy is becoming physically healthy, as well as mentally and spiritually. I am working that out for myself. I see things getting better, inch by inch. I am doing the best I can do to keep reaching to become the best me I can be. I have had enough trauma. I want to have fun. It is time for that part of me to take over. I am looking forward to seeing where this takes us. Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below. Nelson and I want to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mentalhealth #selfcare #newproject #sparkle

After several tumultuous days, our adult son, our adult daughter, Nelson, and I came together in family therapy. Our family therapist, did an excellent job. She was very prepared. She worked to day with us to help us find common ground and she gave us handouts as a point of reference to use as tools to help us communicate in a healthier, more supportive and loving manner. Each one of us were able to express the way we feel and listen to the other person with respect and love. It was refreshing to have the opportunity to give one another a safe environment to express ourselves without the fear of causing conflict or harm to another family member. I feel like we are on the right path and are finding our footing. Having balance and secure footing is very important as you climb out of a pit, and scale the side of a mountain. We are only in the beginning. It takes time to repair and rebuild and reconnect. The good thing is that we all are willing to do the work. I have never been mountain climbing. I have hiked on some difficult, treacherous trails, however, I have never scaled a mountain. I just looked up what the term means. It doesn't just mean climbing a mountain and reaching the summit. The term goes much deeper. There is a spiritual aspect to it that intertwines with the physical climbing. It is an innate desire to push ourselves beyond our perceived boundaries to achieve what we determine to be impossible. What an amazing prospect! To be able to push past our limited beliefs about ourselves to achieve something much greater than we ever thought we could become. We scale the mountain, to obtain the unattainable. Not everyone is willing to do that type of work. It is not for the faint of heart, and it is not for those who are only willing to take what we are given and leave it at that. It is not for those who live by the mantra, "This is as good as it gets." I was told by a dear friend, years ago, "Crystal, climb higher!" So I am. I realize that not everyone feels this way, so I am just going to say it, "I am a Michael Jackson fan." Whew! That confession is done. I like his music, I am a child of the 80s. He was a big deal. I loved the way he entertained. I think he was amazing. Why do I mention this at this point? I mention is because he wrote and sang one of my favorite songs, "The Man in the Mirror." Here is the chorus: "I'm Looking at the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could be any clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change." I believe these words are true. In family therapy today, that is what we all were working at doing. We were working on taking responsibility, speaking gently and kindly, using, "I," language, listening, and acknowledging each others feelings as being valid, even if they are not the same as our feelings. For a lot of people, that is going to seem simple. However, it is not simple. Let's hold that mirror up to ourselves. Do we alway listen and acknowledge others first, before we think about what we are feeling? Or do we just ride the wave of our own emotions, and stick by them as though they are the hill on which we intend to die? Emotions are fleeting and they come and go. What if we could stop a conflict before it ever happens? What if it were possible to repair a conflict quickly in the aftermath? Wouldn't that be a more peaceful and satisfying way to live? I think so. If it means peace and love and joy in my family again, I am willing to gain better footing and scale that mountain. I pray that we all become willing to put aside our feelings to save our families and others. Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. Nelson and I want to hear your story. #estrangement #mentalhealth #familytherapy #estrangementwithadultchild #climbeverymountain

(Sing this to the tune of The Brady Bunch), Here's the story of The McDaniel Family, who were bringing up three awesome, gorgeous kids. They were great, and lovely children. We enjoyed each and every one. Here's the story of the kids all grown-up. They were helpful and successful in college. The girls graduated, Summa Cum Laude, and one was Valedictorian. Then the one day, Mom had a conflict with a daughter, and that is when the estrangement did begin. The family then went into a painful era, and that's the mess that the parents now are in...Estrangement, Estrangement, that's the way that we live and try to grin. So there you go, the whole story in a nutshell. When my children grew up and even in college, they were a joy. I never had any issues with them at all. They were so good. I loved and enjoyed every single phase of their lives. I worked hard to make sure they had everything they needed. They were very rarely in trouble with us. Hardly ever. They made good choices and were fun. I did not experience the terrible twos and threes with them when they were very little. They were cute and fun. I am not going to say, I never had any challenges, or never had to discipline them. I did. It was just never out of the ordinary and it wasn't daily. I really felt like I was giving them a good childhood. One that I did not experience. I wanted to do things in a different way than I had received. I thought I was doing a good job at with that part of parenting. What I am finding is that I now am going through the terrible twos and threes, the numbers just represent the 20s and 30s. The teenage issues that most parents experience, we are experiencing now. Our children have grown up, are independent and take care of themselves. They have their own lives and are doing well on their own. At least as far as I know. Nelson and I thought that this was the goal, to have independent functioning adult children. The hard part is having a relationship with them. My adult son, I have no problem with at all. He is giving, kind, and always treats others with love and respect. I am very proud of him. He chooses to be positive always. The biggest struggle I have is with our adult daughters. They are twins and are very close. They speak to each other daily. The one that has estranged herself from us is angry at us and filled with hurt and pain, that she wants to deal with in her time and her way. For her, that means to separate herself from us and not have contact. The other adult daughter is still in communication with us, and attends family therapy with us. She and I have difficulty communicating and understanding each other. She said she is scared of me, and to be honest, I am scared of speaking to her. From my perspective, she comes across as disrespectful to me at times. Is that the difference is our generations? That is quite possible. Do I take things to personally? That is quite possible too. I was extremely close to my mother. Maybe I am expecting too much of her. I realize I will never have the relationship with my daughters that I had with my mother. We are different people. I do miss that relationship. It left a hole in me when she died. My closest confident and ally is gone. My daughters are different people, with different interests. I at least thought we would be able to get together periodically and have mother/daughter time. That hasn't occurred. I am now working to fill my life with new things. New purpose. My mother role has definitely changed. I want to enjoy all my adult children. I want to celebrate their successes. I am thankful I can with my adult son. The struggle is real with my adult daughters. I love them so very much. The inquisition has commenced. Tomorrow I attend family therapy again. I am not looking forward to it. It seems that I am relegated to sit and listen and apologize. The more I walk this road, the more I am finding that they just want to be heard and acknowledged. When they became afraid of me, I do not know. I didn't yell or scream. I disciplined when I needed to, and tried to talk to them about issues. If they made bad grades, I didn't punish them or yell and scream. That happened to me. It is something that I said I wouldn't do to my children and I didn't. I was stern at times. I was tired a lot. I had anxiety a lot. Maybe that is what happened. I reacted in ways, I didn't need to. I am human. I am sure that it all came across wrong. The parent role is difficult. It isn't always fun. I am spending a lot of time self-reflecting, digging deep and working to shed as many bad habits and behaviors as I can. I am under construction, a work in progress. I pray that my adult children have mercy and forgiveness for that mess that I am. We are all a mess. We are all under construction. I have to have patience and mercy, forgiveness, and compassion for the fact that my adult children are growing and learning and under construction as well. That is what I am working on. Defensiveness is not your friend. Vulnerability is your friend. I am very vulnerable right now. Tomorrow I go into our Family Therapy session prepared for the worst and with hope for the best. I am going into it prayerfully, knowing that Jesus is going with me. I love my adult children. I have always put their needs first. They may not see it that way, that is ok. At least they are telling me and not Oprah. To have the courage to face the fire, to face the storm, to face the hard stuff, is the best example I can be for them. Even if it hurts. I can tell you, it hurts. It hurts a lot! Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I want to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #familytherapy #therapy #courageinthefaceoffire #mentalhealth #terrible20sandthirties

The video above gives the scientific explanation on how storms are formed. We watch the weather and hope to prepare ourselves for the storms that come into our area. We are most concerned about severe storms. Storms that can cause great damage. We work to be as prepared as we can. Ultimately, we have no control over what the storm is really going to do. When it is severe, damage occurs, that can take days, months, and even years for recovery. That is what Nelson and I are doing right now. We weren't prepared for this storm. As much as we supported and loved our children, this storm hit anyway. It continues to rage. Over the past year, a storm has raged. Every time I think it is beginning to calm down, another part of the storm front comes through. Lightning strikes, thunder rolls, strong winds blow, and I watch the damage it causes. Today, yesterday, and the day before, I admit I panicked as the storm raged. I allowed fear to take hold. When the disciples were in the boat with Jesus and a storm hit, they panicked too. That makes me feel a bit better, sort of. I am struggling to remember that Jesus is the Lord of the storm. I understand that He is the son of God and He loves me. I keep forgetting that I need to meditate and understand His sovereignty. The definition of Sovereignty is: Supreme Authority, Autonomy over all things. Supreme Authority, is worth thinking about. Jesus has authority over all things. Jesus knew this storm was coming into our lives. Jesus is with us in this storm. I want Him to take it away. I pray for Him to remove it from our lives. That hasn't happened. Jesus knew the storm was going to happen when they crossed the lake. In fact, Jesus told them where to take the boat. He wanted the disciples to understand and witness His sovereignty and to learn from where the storm comes and who has authority over it. I realize that in what we are going through with our family, Jesus wants us to recognize that He is with us through this too. He can calm the storm. The question is will Nelson and I trust Him to walk us through it. I am clinging to Him every day. There is no choice. The hardest part is knowing that this is showing me who I really am. It is making me face the storm. It is breaking down any and all parts of me that are not needed. All the junk, all the trauma. I am very frightened. It is scary to sit in front of your adult children and let them tell you all the things that you ever did that hurt them. Not only is it scary, it just plain hurts. I hurt for them, I hurt for myself. My initial reaction is to protect myself from the hurt and pain. Who wants to allow someone to just blast them with all the mistakes, sins, failures that you ever did. I realize that this isn't about me, and if there is any chance for the storm to end, I have to allow my adult children to share their feelings, and accept my responsibility in their pain, and hopefully help them heal, and do a little healing myself. I really wish I didn't have to walk into this storm. I trust Jesus to be there with me. Honestly, it feels like a terrible punishment. I am told that it is not. That doesn't keep me from feeling like it is. I do not want to go to family therapy on Wednesday. For my adult children's sake, I will. I don't know if this is healthy for me or not. It doesn't feel like it is. It feels terrible. Right now I feel very nauseated over it. I know that it doesn't matter. I love my children. I choose them over myself. I face the storm. I pray for Jesus to stand with me. Please pray for Nelson and me. We need it. #facingthestorm #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #familytherapy #mentalhealth

Bad Day Part Deux... Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, is attributed to Albert Einstein. I believe he was right. I also know it is time for me to get off of that particular Merry-Go-Round. In the past 24 hours I have had multiple hard conversations with family members. Today, I am done. The cake is baked. The bucket is full. There is no more room in the refrigerator. I am out of space for anything else. I am no longer available to have these same conversations. I wrote in yesterday's blog that working out your salvation is hard. I am here to tell you it is. So is love. Unconditional love is hard. It is hard to continue to show compassion and patience and mercy, when your conversations get shut down, or go nowhere. I literally just want to scream. Maybe I should. I am in a waiting period. I am waiting for our family therapy session on Wednesday. I am waiting for the neutral zone. It is difficult to wait. Especially when you feel like you are going to explode. I just want everything and everyone to stop. I want them to stop and just be kind. There is just so much going on. Nelson and I have an estranged adult child, we have other adult children who want to work out their issues with us in family therapy, we are building a new business, and because we are building a new business our budget is very tight. I am praying every single day for God to bless us and bring us through this season of life that feels like an extremely rocky, stormy, high, dark mountain to climb. There has been much to happen over the years, and it seems unending. I am ready for peace. I pray for peace. I ask you, if you are readying this to stop and pray for peace for Nelson and I right now. We need this to STOP. I am about to go to bed and I am surrounded by my dogs. I am thankful that I have gotten through the day. I need a great blessing to happen right now. I pray for God to grant us a blessing, something incredibly good so that we know He is walking us though and will continue to guide us on this path and be a lamp to our feet as we walk. I can explain my needs and get shut down. So...I try again, and again, and again. It is hard to point blank explain what you need to a family member and then have them let you know that it isn't within their ability to give you what you need. Even though it is a simple request. Nothing complicated. I mean, is it just outrageous to ask for someone close to you to stand up for you? In this case, that is a request that is too much. I feel defeated. I feel worthless. I know those things are not true. I haven't slept and I am tired. I realize it is the day. Tomorrow will be a different day. Tomorrow, I am committing to do something good for myself. I am also making a commitment to stand up for myself. I know no one else will, I will. I am going to have to, and communicate clearly exactly what I want. I can no longer afford to spare the feelings of others, when I feel that I am being walked over and oppressed. Do I want a loving and healthy way to communicate? Yes, I do. I do not want to hurt others. I just know that I am not a doormat for them to blame everything on and wipe their feet on either. I am also making a list of things I want to discuss Wednesday. I have a feeling that all of these are going to be discussed in therapy for a very long time. As much as I want everything to STOP, I don't think it will anytime soon. Again, I ask for your prayers. I admit, the past 24 hours have been challenging and it is certainly stretching my faith and dependence on God. I realize that I am nothing without Him and I cannot do this at all without Him. Today, I wanted to run screaming away. Today, I wanted to disappear. I am still here. I am alive. I understand this is only temporary. Thank you God. Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you, we want to know your story #jesusbewithme #estrangement #estrangedmentwithadultchild #

In the Bible, "Philippians 2:12-13 NIV says, "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I work out my body to make sure my heart and muscles are strong, and that my body is not carrying more load than it was meant to carry. It makes me wonder, if I use this same reasoning with my spiritual life, which affects my emotional and mental health, as well as, my physical health, will it relieve the load I feel I am carrying? The answer is, "YES." Working out is hard, no matter what you are doing. Fear and trembling are the correct words. The words humility and respect ring true. Working out always holds a microscope up to my weaknesses and brings me to my knees with humility. Today, in particular, I am face down crying out to God for help. This journey is long and hard. The working out of my faith and salvation is long and hard. Just like in the Rocky movies, (which I love, by the way), I am having to face my fears and shortcomings. The things that hold me back, and hit the gym hard. "Old School," workouts are what I am having to do to build endurance. What I mean by that, is stripping away anything that blocks my ability to stay focused and strip away the extra weight, (issues, trauma, sin, pride), anything that keeps me from displaying compassion, mercy, steadfastness, self-control, etc. In the Boxing Ring, you have to be able to keep taking the punches, and keep going, even when estrangement with your adult child feels like it has knocked you out. I can tell you that the adult children that still interact with me, also land their own blows. I can tell by the conversations that I have with them, (specifically the adult daughter that is still talking with us), that she is in the Boxing Ring with me, working to make sure we are fighting together, instead of with each other. Although, at times when she swings, she knocks me to the ground. That is humbling. Overwhelming and humbling. There are moments, like today, I want to say, "Hey! I am getting out of the ring! I am tired of being hit by you!" As a parent, I don't have that choice. I am in this til the end. That is what I signed up for, and I will continue to learn, listen, get knocked down, get back up, and stay in the fight. That is what love does. Love stays in the fight. Love overlooks wrongs. Love doesn't quit. Love rejoices in the right. Love overcomes. Love remembers only good. Love is patient and kind. Love shows compassion, forgives and is merciful. Love remembers no conflict. Love doesn't leave others alone. Love shows respect. Love is steadfast. I am working out my salvation and faith in order to live out this kind of love. I took down my blog from yesterday. Though it was good, the adult daughter that is in my life, called and expressed to me that it hurt her and made her angry. I heard her, and respect her opinion. To hurt her was not my intent. I was simply expressing my feelings and my point of view, in the face of a situation that left both Nelson and I bewildered. If you read it, you know what it said. Out of respect to her and her feelings, I deleted the post. I love my children more than I love blogging. Even though, this is a forum that I have to express how estrangement has affected me and my husband, I have a responsibility as a parent to listen to my adult children and acknowledge that this estrangement has had an affect on them as well. So...face down in the mud I go. I have no desire to be in a tug-of-war with my adult children. I just let go and fall. This is not martyrdom, this is protection. I got no sleep last night. I am filled with anxiety and I want to cry. I am here in Nelson's office, working to help him as much as I can. Life goes forward. I pray for relief. I pray I am strong enough to walk this path. i pray my adult children are filled with the Lord and that they receive the healing and the love that they need. I pray that I do not falter. Lord, please keep my feet stable and my eyes on you. Psalms 27: 10-14 NIV "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up again me, spouting malicious accusations. I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." As I ponder these verses, I feel that I need to clarify just a couple of things, so there is no misunderstanding. When the verse mentions, "False witnesses, spouting malicious accusations, I am not saying that statement about my adult children. That is not what they are doing. I am saying that our family is under attack from a real spiritual enemy that is at work to destroy us. The enemy is the father of lies and loves to cause families to break up and cause conflict and chaos. I AM saying that the enemy is speaking lies to them and to me. I am simply addressing that, and am asking God to protect us and I am calling out the enemy is Jesus' name to flee and leave us alone. I hope that clears any possible misunderstanding up. Please know that you are loved and are enough. Comment below, we would love to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #hardday #mentalhealth #familytherapy #godbewithme

There has been so much trauma in my life. It contributed to an overwhelming sense of anxiety, panic and fear. Thus, I have Complex PTSD. Daily, I do affirmations, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), and Bible Scripture memorization. I also do quiet time with prayer in the mornings, first thing. All of these things have assisted in my recovery from trauma. A year and a half ago, I had an emotional breakdown of sorts. Nelson was working at a job, where the boss/owner found ways to withhold more and more of the sales team's paychecks. He was constantly changing the rules. There wasn't much support for the sales teams from him. As a result, it was putting great financial pressure on us. I had worked for years and years to get us on solid financial footing, only to watch it caving in. It became such a weight. I wasn't sleeping. I wouldn't leave the house. I had trouble keeping my mind from succumbing to dark thoughts. I felt like a failure. Finally, the struggle became too much. To help us start over and gain better footing, we sold our house in North Carolina. I was scared, but relieved. We moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was finally home. I had been wanting to move home for years and years. I never felt at home in North Carolina. As beautiful as the state is, for me, it was a nice place to visit, but I didn't want to stay. 27 years later, I was back home, where I wanted to live. Right before we left North Carolina, is when the estrangement with our adult daughter began. It was seemingly the last straw for me. Trauma after Trauma after Trauma. It has taken many months to get my mind to clear, and in the right place. I have worked hard with my therapist and now, am beginning the journey with our family therapist. I can see the light and am beginning to see the end of the darkness. The sun is rising. The night has been long. I love the scripture, Psalms 30:5, "For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.' NIV. I am beginning to rejoice again. Though, my heart has shifted in regards to my estranged adult daughter, the shift has not been bad. It has taken away so much fear, and has brought me closer to God. My relationship with God and Nelson is my focus and goal. I also want a great relationship with my adult children. I am working on that, however, I also know that I am not alone in that goal. My adult children have to want a great relationship with me too. I know that 2 of my adult children want that, and for now, that is enough. One of my affirmations today said, "What I have today is enough." God's grace is sufficient. My concentration now is on growing in my God given purpose. Today is a good day. I have much to accomplish on my, "To Do," list. I need to get going to accomplish that list. I thank God for the sun shining today. Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below with your story, we want to hear from you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #fearnot #mentalhealth #therapy #familytherapy #godisgood #tinagilbertson #joshuacoleman

Over the past year Nelson and I have learned so many things. Some of the things we have learned, we actually wanted to learn. Others...no so much. There are times that you learn lessons because of circumstances that happen to you and around you. Yes, as a result of estrangement, we have learned a lot of things. Tomorrow my son and daughter, (the one who isn't estranged), go to family therapy together. It is their turn to have a session alone with the therapist. In family therapy, the therapist needs to evaluate the parents, and then evaluate the siblings. Within a family there are multiple relationships. The relationship between siblings and the way they process and view information and situations they grew up in matter. Their experience in the household is very different than the parental experience. I have to admit that after everything that has happened, it triggers an anxiety response in me. I have no idea what will happen, or what will be said. Next week all 4 of us come back together. Am I going to get slammed? Am I going to be told how difficult it was for them? Is it going to be extremely painful? These are all things that go through my mind. Anxiety is caused by thoughts about the future. The "What if," thoughts that circulate in our mind. The unknown is scary. What I have found out is that my known God is loving and kind. During this entire first year of estrangement I have prayed and prayed. The estrangement with my adult daughter has been terrible for my heart, and very helpful for my relationship with God. God is merciful. I looked up the definition of Mercy. In the Bible, Mercy means, "God's compassion, love, kindness, and forgiveness toward people." I have found His mercy in a hard situation that Nelson and I had to go through a couple of weeks ago, regarding this estrangement. The level of God's mercy was overwhelming, and represented in the heart of my son. I thanked God for how He used my son to show me that I cannot mess up enough to stop God from loving me. The love that pours out of the heart of God through my son is nothing short of amazing. Nelson and I shared our heartache over the estrangement with our adult daughter with our Sunday School Class. We didn't go into great detail. We simply let them know what we are going through, and that one of our daughters has chosen to not speak to us. Ever since then, members of our Sunday School class have shown God's compassion to us, by just simply stopping us to say, "We are praying for you guys." God has surrounded us with goodness and grace. We need that right now. It is important to reach out and surround yourself with people who will love you and support you. No matter what happened, or what mistakes we make. Nothing is unforgivable. I can only be thankful. Truly, truly thankful. I have always had big dreams and goals. Another thing that we have learned is not to let anything distract you from your dreams and goals. Not even your children. I have always had the goal to have 5 million dollars in the bank. I don't know why 5 million. I like to give to people. So does Nelson. I think, the Holy Spirit speaks this dream into our hearts so that we can give generously. We both love to give to others. Our dream is to be able to give and help other people who are in need. I don't know if 5 million dollars or $5.00 will do it. I just know that I will regret it for the rest of my life, if I don't put the work in to make that dream come true. I think it is worth the work. I have lived a life of without. I know what it is to struggle financially. I hate it when I hear my students have needs that I can do nothing about to help. I hate it when I hear about people that need groceries and electricity and I cannot just take the groceries or pay the electric bill. Or...the people who need dental work and can't afford it. The list goes on and on. We have the ability to do something about it and so that is what Nelson and I are determined to do, estrangement or no estrangement. When God places something in your heart to do, you do it regardless. Do we want our daughter to call us and our relationship to be restored? Yes. God has His own timing. If this heartbreak is what He is using to motivate us to reach the goal He has called us to, then so be it. His will be done. I could no longer sit still and cry and mourn. I have to stop mourning and follow Jesus, wherever He takes me. I know that many people who read this are going through a hard time. Estrangement is terrible. I haven't figured out if the death of a child or estrangement is worse. I have lost a child. It is terrible. My child not talking to me and having no idea if I will ever see her again? It is terrible. Either way, my heart is broken. I want this blog to be an encouragement. I realize that some of the blogs that I have written aren't the most cheerful things to read. I am being honest. I write daily to put the hour by hour struggle that I go through as a parent with an estranged adult child. I write to tell the story. The ups and downs, the good the bad. I do it to not be alone. I do it to help others. The most important part is that I do it. It is healing and a source of relief. I write this blog out of compassion for Nelson and for me. I write this journey out of compassion for anyone else who is going through estrangement. Selfishly, I am writing to make sure I am staying on track towards financial blessings. I can look back and see how far we have come, how we have grown, and to see how God has answered prayers. Now, I am tired, and going to sleep. God bless. Please remember you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. We want to know your story. #estrangement #mentalhealth #estrangementwithadultchild #godisgood #goals #dreams

I think I told you in an earlier blog that I am going to work with Nelson at his office to assist him in his job. He owns his own Health Insurance business. Nelson has ADHD, and it helps him to have someone to organize his appointments, remind him of things, and send out texts and emails, while he makes phone calls. There is always some sort of incentive going on, so I think that it's fun to rise to the incentive. Nelson is not competitive, I am. I like to hit goals and surpass them. I keep Nelson going so he can hit them on his end. I find that to be fun, and amusing. Sometimes, people say crazy things to him on the phone. Sometimes they respond in crazy ways, via text. Really, all they have to say is interested or not interested. Nothing more needs to be said. I find it so fascinating when someone is furious over the phone and screams, "I WANT YOU F....... PEOPLE TO F...... STOP CALLING ME! I want to respond by saying, "I forgive you, and will pray for you." Kristen Chenoweth, the Broadway, TV, and Movie Star, says it is great fun to say that and see the look on their faces! LOL. I'm sure that it is fun to see. I am more curious about what is going on within the person that would cause such a reaction to a stranger. The response is so very extreme. It isn't personal. Only two words are required, interested or not interested. When dealing with estrangement, that is the way it feels. One day, your adult child is interested and the very next moment they are not interested. It seems to turn on a dime. One moment, everything seems fine. I felt like I knew my daughter. Now, I don't know her at all. As I plow this new field, I am deciding what I want to plant. That matters a lot. Where I plow, and what I plant. Nelson and I have made the decision on where to plow. We are interested in helping people. So, we have made the commitment to work hard together and to invest our energy in what we ARE interested in, not in who is interested in us. I am NOT INTERESTED in spending my time on things that don't bring me joy. Over the past year, it has not brought me joy to sit and speculate about my estranged adult child. I do not know what she is thinking, or what she is doing. No news is good news, at least that is how I am taking it. That brings me back to what I am interested in doing. I think that is the best that we can do for the time being. I am now beginning to enjoy my life with Nelson. We are building something new. Something that is ours. Something that will help people. I am going to start an adult beginning ballet class in September. I was asked to come to a Music Festival in Portugal in September. Good things are coming. I am working on music, I am working with my students, I am growing my Scentsy Business. I have my dogs. I get to spend time with my friends. These are all things I am interested in. I don't think as parents, we spend enough time asking ourselves, "What are my interests?" We spend a lot of time helping our children, and watching our children, and providing for our children, and worrying about our children. Their interests become our interests. I think it is important to allow ourselves to feed our own interests, most especially when you are struggling with estrangement. All those years that we have spent investing in our children, and once they are gone, we need to rediscover ourselves. I, for one, am having a good time doing just that thing. Nelson is too. (A plus is that I get to decorate our office, and I love doing that too). I want to do as much as I can for as long as I can. I also can truthfully say this, "I AM NOT INTERESTED, in wasting my life over something or someone that I have no control over. I love all my children, and just like me, they are all adults and have to figure it out. That is adulthood. You spend the first 18 years getting educated, and then you have to just figure the rest out as you go. There are many things I still want to achieve. I'm going to go after them all. In the meantime, the estrangement will figure itself out. By the way, I will be, "Live," at 8 p.m. this Thursday on my Scentsy Business Page on Facebook. @sassyscentswithcrystal. I love Scentsy. I love the way it makes my home smell. Having 4 dogs, I need things to smell good. Join me on Thursday and let me teach you about how things that good smell enhance our lives. I would love for you to like my page, and be a part of the fun. Please remember that you are loved and enough. Please comment below and let us hear from you. We want to know your story. God bless you and keep you. Until tomorrow... #estrangement #interestednotinterested #scentsy #estrangementwithadultchild #goafteryourdreamsandgoals #liveyourlife #joy

In this world of social media, pictures are a big deal. We are all OBSESSED with pictures. We work at learning the best angles, the right lighting, the best backgrounds. Do we use photo or portrait. What is the best photo? We are taught to make our photos interesting, let them tell a story. When Instagram first appeared on the scene, it was all about the photos. No longer do we just stand in front of a monument or building and snap the photo. There are tutorials on making a more captivating photo, one that gets attention and draws the reader/follower in. We want our photos to influence others, and make our lives and memories more alive. Out of all of this, what if we have photos that cause us pain and remind us of failures? Does anyone keep the photos of dating their ex-boyfriend or husband or wife? Do you keep those photos displayed? I bet the answer is, "NO!" I had photos of all of my children hanging around the house, and displayed on shelves and walls. I was always so proud to see them. It made me happy to see all of my children smiling back at me. When my estranged adult daughter cut-off communication, most especially after she sent her email, I removed all the photos I had out that had her in them. I put them away. I still have them, I just stored them out of sight. I went from smiling when I saw them to being extremely sad and crying. The pain is too great. The pictures painted too vivid a memory of times that we were all laughing and enjoying each other's company. The words they spoke seemed false, as though I was looking at events that never really occurred. Like some of the photos I see on social media, they gave me the impression of a life that was never really lived. In the photos, I see lies. I want something new, something authentic, something that I enjoy with the life I am living now. There is something to be said for a blank wall, or a blank canvas. You can sit and look at it, until inspiration comes to call. Inspiration always calls. The Holy Spirit has a way of speaking and letting me know what to do, and what will bring joy and honor to Him and to me. I want whatever goes on the wall now to tell the story of Nelson and me, and our life with God. My children are still important. I have photos of my other two children out. They remind me of why I need to improve. They help to motivate me to do the hard work, so that my family can get better. I realize that to some, my taking my estranged daughter's photos down is awful. I think it is necessary. I want to get better. Her photos were keeping me stuck. Nelson and I want God's best in our lives, and to live, really live, and see the dreams and aspirations that God has placed in us come into fruition. I know that staring at photos that keep me living in mourning, anxiety and fear, will not help with living out God's purpose for my life. I wait for the Great Influencer to let me know what to hang now. I know it will be beautiful. Maybe, it will be portraits of my dogs! LOL. I believe strongly that we all need to do what helps us to become healthier people, and healthier parents. If taking down the photos that contributes to sadness due to estrangement, then I think it is good to take them down. I love my estranged daughter. I want to reconcile. Until that day comes, I want to feel good about myself and my relationship with God and my husband. Now, when I post photos, I know they are really authentically me. That is worth having a blank wall, I know that it will fill back up again. I can wait for the best story to be displayed for all to see. That will be worth the effort! Please remember that you are loved and enough. Please comment below. Nelson and I would love to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangmentwithadultchild #pictures #authenticity #walldecor