No One Left Behind

It is September 1, 2024. Another month goes out, and a new one comes in. This September is different. As September arrives, so does year 1 of our estrangement with our adult daughter. I thought I would be sad. I am not. I am not happy that we are estranged from our adult daughter, I miss her terribly, and love her very much. I am using my DBT, (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), technique called, "Radical Acceptance, " to deal with it. I know that I cannot control the separation. She is an adult and makes her own decisions about her life. I know that there is no use in dwelling on it, because I cannot change it. There is no use fighting the past, it will NOT change. I have no power over it. Still I wonder, will she ever come around? When she wrote her one and only email to Nelson and me, she expressed how filled with anxiety and how angry she it at us. She says she forgives us and accepts our apologies. She just can't deal with being around us right now and needs space and time. We are giving her that space and time.

We went to church this morning, our adult son attends with us. Afterwards, we eat together. We had a deep, compassionate conversation during and after dinner. We discussed our family therapy, and used the techniques we have used so far. It went very well. During the discussion, I asked my son if he knew whether our estranged adult daughter was getting therapy for herself. He said she was not, to his knowledge. My other daughter said the same thing. (We had talked on the phone earlier). This concerns all of us. We do not want our estranged adult daughter to be left behind. We are all working very hard to improve and become better at building safe spaces with each other. A family needs to be a haven for each member to be able to express their feelings and know they will be heard and accepted and loved. That is what we are working to be for one another. We all believe that everyone needs therapy. In our situation, each of us needs individual therapy, as well as, family therapy. We love each other very much. We all want the best for each other, and that starts with being the best we can be for ourselves.

I believe our estranged adult daughter is doing the very best she can. I pray for her every single day. I pray that she gets the healing she needs. I pray for God to protect her and lead her to the person that can help her. I pray that she is successful in her job. She does professional sound design for movies and other media. She is very gifted and talented and intelligent. I want her to be relieved from the weight of anxiety and anger that she has towards us. None of us are willing to leave her behind. We are all praying that as God brings us together and heals the wounds that we each have, through family therapy. We are all praying that the change that God is making in us will shine so brightly that our estranged adult daughter will notice it and want to join us. Please pray that prayer with us.

It has been a long year. We are still walking this road of estrangement with no end in sight. Not yet. I believe it is coming. I just don't know when. "We walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7. I believe this estrangement will end soon. I do not know what, "soon," means. It is all in God's will and God's timing. He made her, and knows her inside and out. He loves her, and He loves me, and He loves Nelson. She is our daughter and we will not leave her behind. We are waiting for her, patiently. God will do the rest.

Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. Nelson I would love to hear your story.

#estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mentalhealth #familytherapy #patience #lovemychildren #godisgood