Finding Our Footing

After several tumultuous days, our adult son, our adult daughter, Nelson, and I came together in family therapy. Our family therapist, did an excellent job. She was very prepared.

She worked to day with us to help us find common ground and she gave us handouts as a point of reference to use as tools to help us communicate in a healthier, more supportive and loving manner. Each one of us were able to express the way we feel and listen to the other person with respect and love. It was refreshing to have the opportunity to give one another a safe environment to express ourselves without the fear of causing conflict or harm to another family member. I feel like we are on the right path and are finding our footing. Having balance and secure footing is very important as you climb out of a pit, and scale the side of a mountain. We are only in the beginning. It takes time to repair and rebuild and reconnect. The good thing is that we all are willing to do the work.

I have never been mountain climbing. I have hiked on some difficult, treacherous trails, however, I have never scaled a mountain. I just looked up what the term means. It doesn't just mean climbing a mountain and reaching the summit. The term goes much deeper. There is a spiritual aspect to it that intertwines with the physical climbing. It is an innate desire to push ourselves beyond our perceived boundaries to achieve what we determine to be impossible. What an amazing prospect! To be able to push past our limited beliefs about ourselves to achieve something much greater than we ever thought we could become. We scale the mountain, to obtain the unattainable. Not everyone is willing to do that type of work. It is not for the faint of heart, and it is not for those who are only willing to take what we are given and leave it at that. It is not for those who live by the mantra, "This is as good as it gets." I was told by a dear friend, years ago, "Crystal, climb higher!" So I am.

I realize that not everyone feels this way, so I am just going to say it, "I am a Michael Jackson fan." Whew! That confession is done. I like his music, I am a child of the 80s. He was a big deal. I loved the way he entertained. I think he was amazing. Why do I mention this at this point? I mention is because he wrote and sang one of my favorite songs, "The Man in the Mirror." Here is the chorus: "I'm Looking at the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could be any clearer. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change." I believe these words are true. In family therapy today, that is what we all were working at doing. We were working on taking responsibility, speaking gently and kindly, using, "I," language, listening, and acknowledging each others feelings as being valid, even if they are not the same as our feelings. For a lot of people, that is going to seem simple. However, it is not simple. Let's hold that mirror up to ourselves. Do we alway listen and acknowledge others first, before we think about what we are feeling? Or do we just ride the wave of our own emotions, and stick by them as though they are the hill on which we intend to die? Emotions are fleeting and they come and go. What if we could stop a conflict before it ever happens? What if it were possible to repair a conflict quickly in the aftermath? Wouldn't that be a more peaceful and satisfying way to live? I think so. If it means peace and love and joy in my family again, I am willing to gain better footing and scale that mountain. I pray that we all become willing to put aside our feelings to save our families and others.

Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. Nelson and I want to hear your story.

#estrangement #mentalhealth #familytherapy #estrangementwithadultchild #climbeverymountain