The Greatest of These is Love

In the Bible, "Philippians 2:12-13 NIV says, "Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."

Work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I work out my body to make sure my heart and muscles are strong, and that my body is not carrying more load than it was meant to carry. It makes me wonder, if I use this same reasoning with my spiritual life, which affects my emotional and mental health, as well as, my physical health, will it relieve the load I feel I am carrying? The answer is, "YES." Working out is hard, no matter what you are doing. Fear and trembling are the correct words. The words humility and respect ring true. Working out always holds a microscope up to my weaknesses and brings me to my knees with humility. Today, in particular, I am face down crying out to God for help.

This journey is long and hard. The working out of my faith and salvation is long and hard. Just like in the Rocky movies, (which I love, by the way), I am having to face my fears and shortcomings. The things that hold me back, and hit the gym hard. "Old School," workouts are what I am having to do to build endurance. What I mean by that, is stripping away anything that blocks my ability to stay focused and strip away the extra weight, (issues, trauma, sin, pride), anything that keeps me from displaying compassion, mercy, steadfastness, self-control, etc. In the Boxing Ring, you have to be able to keep taking the punches, and keep going, even when estrangement with your adult child feels like it has knocked you out. I can tell you that the adult children that still interact with me, also land their own blows. I can tell by the conversations that I have with them, (specifically the adult daughter that is still talking with us), that she is in the Boxing Ring with me, working to make sure we are fighting together, instead of with each other. Although, at times when she swings, she knocks me to the ground. That is humbling. Overwhelming and humbling. There are moments, like today, I want to say, "Hey! I am getting out of the ring! I am tired of being hit by you!" As a parent, I don't have that choice. I am in this til the end. That is what I signed up for, and I will continue to learn, listen, get knocked down, get back up, and stay in the fight.

That is what love does. Love stays in the fight. Love overlooks wrongs. Love doesn't quit. Love rejoices in the right. Love overcomes. Love remembers only good. Love is patient and kind. Love shows compassion, forgives and is merciful. Love remembers no conflict. Love doesn't leave others alone. Love shows respect. Love is steadfast. I am working out my salvation and faith in order to live out this kind of love.

I took down my blog from yesterday. Though it was good, the adult daughter that is in my life, called and expressed to me that it hurt her and made her angry. I heard her, and respect her opinion. To hurt her was not my intent. I was simply expressing my feelings and my point of view, in the face of a situation that left both Nelson and I bewildered. If you read it, you know what it said. Out of respect to her and her feelings, I deleted the post. I love my children more than I love blogging. Even though, this is a forum that I have to express how estrangement has affected me and my husband, I have a responsibility as a parent to listen to my adult children and acknowledge that this estrangement has had an affect on them as well. So...face down in the mud I go. I have no desire to be in a tug-of-war with my adult children. I just let go and fall. This is not martyrdom, this is protection.

I got no sleep last night. I am filled with anxiety and I want to cry. I am here in Nelson's office, working to help him as much as I can. Life goes forward. I pray for relief. I pray I am strong enough to walk this path. i pray my adult children are filled with the Lord and that they receive the healing and the love that they need. I pray that I do not falter. Lord, please keep my feet stable and my eyes on you. Psalms 27: 10-14 NIV "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up again me, spouting malicious accusations. I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

As I ponder these verses, I feel that I need to clarify just a couple of things, so there is no misunderstanding. When the verse mentions, "False witnesses, spouting malicious accusations, I am not saying that statement about my adult children. That is not what they are doing. I am saying that our family is under attack from a real spiritual enemy that is at work to destroy us. The enemy is the father of lies and loves to cause families to break up and cause conflict and chaos. I AM saying that the enemy is speaking lies to them and to me. I am simply addressing that, and am asking God to protect us and I am calling out the enemy is Jesus' name to flee and leave us alone. I hope that clears any possible misunderstanding up.

Please know that you are loved and are enough. Comment below, we would love to hear your story.

#estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #hardday #mentalhealth #familytherapy #godbewithme