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Today is Epiphany. Epiphany comes at the end of the 12 days of Christmas, and celebrates the visit of The Three Wise Men, who gave gifts to the baby Jesus. Epiphany means, "manifestation." Nelson and I leave our Christmas Decor up until the day of Epiphany. We celebrate Christmas all the way through the 12 days of Christmas. We are now taking our Christmas decorations down and putting them away for the year. This made me wonder...Now that Christmas is over and we are moving on in the month of January, what will this year bring? I pray that it brings blessings. Blessings in the way The Three Wise Men brought to Jesus. I am looking to God for those blessings. I know God wants to bless us. I am looking for those blessing to manifest. Epiphany. Nelson's mother and I walked through the mall here in Chattanooga, a couple of days after Christmas, the stores were already putting out Valentine's Day items. It was so weird seeing all of that inventory going up, before we had really gotten past Christmas. Does anyone even buy anything for Valentine's Day before New Year's Day? I am sure the answer to that is, "yes." Is February really that close? It is shocking to me that September 2024 came and went. September 2024 marked a year that our estranged daughter stopped talking to us. February 2025 will be a year and 5 months. I don't always count it. I used to know the numbers everyday. Now, I just let the time slip by, and keep moving forward. When you can't do anything about your situation, and you are powerless to do anything, you focus on other things and move forward. Since she stopped talking to us, I have lost 37 pounds, and have been to Italy, and am planning to go back again. This time with Nelson. I started working in Nelson's office to help him, I became Mrs. Chattanooga America, I have taken on more students. I workout, and take adult ballet. I am learning to take care of myself. I am learning to forgive, and let go. I have begun a new habit. Every time I think about my estranged adult daughter, I pray this prayer, Numbers 6:24-26, "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." This prayer is a much better use of my energy, than dwelling on the fact that she doesn't speak to me. God is with me everywhere I go, and I am not alone. I want her to be blessed. I want to see her flourish. I made some good decisions in regards to boundaries too. Anytime I see something on Social Media that causes me to stumble backwards and start thinking about how she doesn't speak to me, I just block it. Nothing good comes out of staring at it, and dwelling on it. I can't control anything that anyone else does. I can control what I do. I'm done with being offended by other people and their words and actions. I spent the better part of 2024 feeling sorry for myself, and putting myself through pain. I do not want that in my life anymore. I want to know that I attract good things, not bad. Epiphany, manifestation. This whole estrangement has helped me to workout my faith. I have begun memorizing more scripture. That helps me to put God's Word in my mind, instead of the negative voice that wants to convince me that I am not worth my own effort, or anyone else's for that matter. I have started with Psalms 139. I want to be able to draw on God's Word all of the time. It makes a huge difference. Just like working out at the gym, my faith needs to workout too. Faith is more that just, 'believing," it is KNOWING. What I know is this...God is at work in this estrangement. I don't see or know how He is working, or what He is doing, or when He will end it. I do know that He is doing something good. Even if it doesn't happen the way I want it to happen, I trust Him. I haven't understood a lot that has gone on in my life. I am sure as you are reading this you feel the same way. I have tried and tried to understand the things that have gone on, and the things that have happened, including this estrangement. Nothing ever makes sense. That is where faith and trust in God comes into play. It is what is sustaining me. I don't have to understand. I no longer attempt to understand the estrangement between our adult daughter and us. I do trust God to walk with us, and take us through this situation. I don't have it altogether yet. I don't think I will in this lifetime. However, the road that I am on now is better, and worth the work that it takes to walk it. I am grateful. Please keep praying for us. Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear your story! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #therapy #faith #epiphany #memorizescripture

It is New Year's Eve 2024. The last day of the year that has passed. Every single day seemed a struggle. People are talking now about their resolutions. The definition of resolution is, "A firm decision to do or not to do something." ,(Oxford Definitions). A firm decision...How many of us really make a firm decision. Think about it. How long does your firm decision last? My firm decision sometimes lasts. More times than not, I end of self-sabotaging. My firm decision this year is to NOT self-sabotage. I have been rewatching the series, "The Chosen." It is on Prime Video. It is an excellent series about the life of Jesus and His Disciples. The thing that strikes me the most is how much scripture that they all know and study. It is helpful to me to watch this series. It keeps my mind on the right things. It helps me to know that I can move forward, and that Jesus is with me. I am never alone. Having Complex PTSD, Vestibular Migraines, Seizures, Balance Issues, being a fall risk, and the list goes on and on, plus the anxiety and stress of being estranged from my adult daughter, is overwhelming on a day to day basis. I need Jesus every hour of every single day. In Psalms 139:8-9 NIV it says, "If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." I cannot tell you how many times I have made my bed in the depths, but this says, He is there. Psalms 139:11-12 NIV, " 'If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." What is my New Year's resolution, my firm decision? I am going to memorize scripture. I need these words in my mind and heart. To know God is with me everywhere I go, and every moment of every single day, is a comfort and gives me strength. I admit, many times I keep my focus on the wrong things. No matter, now long this estrangement lasts, God is with me. God is with my daughter. She may be keeping herself silent, and at a distance from me for now, however, she cannot keep herself from God. So, I pray. I pray blessings for her every single day. Make no mistake. Today is a hard day. The enemy wants to thwart every positive step I take. He wants to thwart everything that any of God's people do. He wants us to stay oppressed, and depressed. God wants us to know the joy of His love and healing and peace. I have goals to meet, and people to bless. I don't have time for the nonsense of the enemy. I will be reminding myself of that every single day. I know, I keep saying that over and over in this blog. I want to emphasize how important it is to keep God's word in front of us at all times. You may or may not have a relationship with Jesus. Your faith my lie somewhere else. I do not know. I have no way of knowing who reads this blog and who does not, unless you subscribe and follow. I would love for you to do so. If you choose not to, that is ok too. I am simply sharing what Nelson and I are doing to keep moving forward and heal during this time that we find ourselves waiting. On another note...I am still working on all the things required to become Mrs. Tennessee America. I have lost 36 pounds at this point. I am working on losing 10 more. I am toning up, and working the plan that my trainer has set out for me. If you need a great trainer, her name is Sky Smith. You can find her on @lemon8unitedstates @skysmitfit. Lemon8 is an app that is taking over for TikTok, because of the TikTok ban that begins in January. You can also follow me for my Mrs. Chattanooga on the same forum at @mrs..chattanooga. I would love to see you there! Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear from you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultdaughter #scripturememorization #newyearsresolutions2025 #happynewyear #mrschattanoogaamerica #mrstennesseeamerica

Today is December 27, 2024, two days after Christmas. Nelson and I survived. All the plans and festivities that led up to Christmas are over. I love Christmas and all of its busy and hustle. I love the lights, and the cheer. This year was harder. For the first time, our estranged adult daughter was not here. There was no phone call, or even a Merry Christmas text from us to her or from her to us. Her stocking did not hang from our mantel. There were no presents for her under the tree. I have spent the past day or so working on mending my heart. My heart needs a huge band aid. At first, I thought I could handle it. I had been dealing pretty well over the past couple of months. She is an adult, and neither Nelson, nor I chose this path to walk. She did. I had come to grips with that, (or at least I thought I had). Maybe, I have, and Christmas just poked a hole in my healing heart. I'm just not sure. As Christmas day went on, and we were closer to the late afternoon, (that is when we celebrate our Christmas with Nelson's mom and our other two adult children), my anxiety grew. By the time my son and my future son-in-law showed up, I was near a full blown panic attack. I could barely breathe. I felt like I was going to explode. Our adult daughter came, and I had to sit down. I used box breathing. I prayed out loud, "Jesus, help me!" Then I heard my therapist's voice, "Crystal, you don't have to battle this, you can take something to help. Don't suffer." I was grateful to God for reminding me of her words. I took my medication. Pretty soon the anxiety dropped and I felt normal again. We opened presents, read a Christmas Story, ate dinner, played games, and laughed. It ended up being a wonderful evening. I am thankful, and blessed. Yesterday, my children's paternal grandmother had to go to the hospital. Her blood pressure went up. They all rushed to the hospital with her. She ended up being fine, thankfully, and they sent her home. This made me start wondering...When someone has a physical ailment, understandably, we all rush to the aid of the person to show concern and support. However, when someone has a mental and emotional ailment, we distance ourselves, and leave them to their own devices. Don't both of these events need the same amount of support and concern? Doesn't the person that is having anxiety, depression, or suffering a loss need someone to check on them and show up for them as well? Isn't that what Jesus did, and still does for us? He came to heal the blind, the sick, the lame, AND to heal and be near to the grieving and the broken hearted. Everyone in my family is feeling a part of this brokenness. Nelson's mom would like to have her whole family together in one place. My adult son and daughter, in order to spend time with Nelson and me, have to leave their beloved sister to do it. Their Dad, stays away, and is silent and distance. He speaks to our adult children and spends time with them, however, has no support to give to me, as the mother of his children. It wasn't always that way. We were friends. We had remained friends, even though divorced. Now, I can barely get two words from him. The whole dynamic of our family has shifted. I know it will never be the same. For now, I am sad about it. We are in a very hard season. Do I believe that things can change? Yes. Do I believe that God is working for our good in this situation? Yes. Is this taking a huge amount of trust and faith from me? YES! My faith is growing every single day. Just like my dogs follow me from room to room, I am following closely to Jesus. I am asking him to heal my mind and my heart. I am asking for Him to help me forgive and love unconditionally. I ask Jesus to meet my estranged adult daughter where she is at, and heal her as well. I do not know her anymore. I trust Jesus with that part too. Walking in faith is work. It means doing hard things. I am angry at this situation. Choosing to love anyway is definitely doing a hard thing. Forgiving over and over and over, every single second, is a hard thing. Please pray for us during this time in our lives. We need the love and support. Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. We would love to hear from you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #brokenhearted #forgiveness #christmasfirstaid

I took a big pause in writing to give myself a break from overthinking about our entire estrangement situation. During that break, I was able to evaluate a lot of different emotions and thoughts. I also have lost 27 pounds during this time period as well. I am getting a better handle on everything, and feel so much better about our life, and how things are going. Nelson has been a wonderful support. Family Therapy is going well. We have worked through so many issues, and are working to listen to each other. I am learning to emotionally regulate a bit better. Nelson and I will be going to Virginia in a couple of weeks to see our daughter, Rosemary, starring in the musical, "White Christmas." That will be a wonderful weekend. I feel like I am starting to ask myself the right questions, and work towards having the life that Nelson and I want to live. I have drawn some hard boundaries for myself. These boundaries are helping to protect me from situations in which I do not want to be involved. This is a gift to myself as the holidays start in a couple of days. I have put a lot of thought into the holidays. Nelson and I have had to decide what we envision our Thanksgiving and Christmas looks like, especially since it has shifted so much. It used to be really large. Growing up, I had my family, extended family, and friends over. There were around 19 or 20 people who would attend. Mama and Daddy's house would be full. Over the years, things have changed drastically. Now, it is just Nelson and me. Our son, Jacob, will be joining us on Thanksgiving Day for lunch. On Christmas Day, Rosemary and Jacob will be with us Christmas Evening, as well as Nelson's mother. Not exactly, what I dreamed of occurring a long time ago. Now, I use a technique called, "Radical Acceptance." That means that no matter what, I go overboard to accept the situation, and understand that I have no control over it. Radical Acceptance is what it takes in this estrangement with our Adult Daughter. I have never been afraid of change. Change is not the problem. It is the great loss of a relationship with our daughter. I have decided that at this point, I have two adult children left and I am going to enjoy them. I am making a conscious choice to have joy and thankfulness for the adult children I have in my life, the two that have decided to stick it out, thick or thin, and love unconditionally, because our family is worth the work. It is not easy work. It is worthwhile work. I am putting my effort into knowing my son and daughter as adults and being content, knowing that I am blessed to have them walk beside me. Nelson and I are blessed. I have mentioned before that I lost a son, years ago. It was devastating. I didn't think I could survive, losing a second child. I can say, that I am surviving, and beginning the thrive. One step at a time. The one thing that helps is the fact that I know my time here on Earth is temporary. All things in life are temporary. One day, I will be in heaven, where all things are made new, and there are no tears or pain. I will see my adult children there, including my estranged adult daughter, and there will be no more problem. The issues will be gone, and I will be able to spend eternity with all four of my children, in peace and joy. That is worth the wait. Time flies so fast. I look forward to that day. For now, I move forward, and continue to love the family that is in front of me, and find joy with them. Our holidays will not be sad. We will celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior, with great thankfulness. My husband asked me over this past weekend, if I missed our estranged adult daughter. I answered, "No." I don't miss her. I know, that sounds awful. Truth is hard sometimes. I have had to pack all the memories, all the things that have caused me excruciating pain this year, in the boxes of things I don't need, but need to keep, and store them for the time being. All her photos have been taken down in our home and put away. It helps me to move on. The door is not locked, it is just closed for now, and the light is off. If and when she decides to return, she will need to start by joining us in family therapy. I am not open at this point to have a conversation with her outside of family therapy. The pain is too great. I need a neutral party involved to walk us through it. I am open to reconciliation with her. I am just not open to putting myself through anymore trauma. I am enjoying the calm and peace I have received from God, when I made the decision to pack everything up and put it away. My time for mourning for her is over. She has made her decision, and I pray she is well and healthy. I know she is out there, I am just not responsible for her or her decisions and actions. For us, she is gone, by her choice. That chapter of our lives is over, and a new year is approaching, with all the hope and thoughts of a life that is shiny and new, and full of wonder. One more thing... Do I have hope that she will return and want to reconcile? No, I don't. And for me, that is a healthy mindset. Any hanging on to hope, is just a form of keeping myself in the past. That is something I cannot do. Radical Acceptance. She knows the way home. Thank you to my friends, Eugene, Angie, and Preston. You are my rocks, and shelter in the storm. You lift me up, and have carried me when I could not stand. I love you. In the meantime, I plan to make this holiday season awesome! We are good. We are grateful. God is good, all the time! Know you are loved and enough. Comment below! Nelson and I would love to hear your story! #estrangement #homefortheholidays #grateful #lovethefamilyinfrontofme #estrangementwithadultchild #radicalacceptance

I honestly do not know where we go from here. I do not think Nelson knows either. I really don't think that anyone knows. Right now we are living one day at a time and doing the very best that we can. Sounds bleak, right? It isn't. I think that we are finally at a point in this strange estrangement that we can write something new. We are entering a new space and walking a new path. We have no idea where this new path is going to lead us. It is scary and exciting at the same time. We are learning that we can live full lives, filled with love and laughter, and joy without our estranged adult daughter. Right now, I am at Nelson's office. Nelson is a Health Insurance Agent. He used to tell me that he did NOT want to sell health insurance. Be careful what you say. Now, we are sitting in his office, contacting people, and helping people find the best coverage for themselves and their families. The people here are fun, and the atmosphere is nice. Not much drama, just people working hard towards their personal goals, just like us. I like everyone here, and I like assisting Nelson. That was his idea. In the struggle of our adult daughter choosing to cut off communication with us, I was very depressed. Nelson thought it would be a good idea for me to come in and assist him. I started coming to the office with him. I found I like it. I like being around people who care, and want to do the best job they can. I still have my students, and teach. I still sing. I think all of this work is good for me. Along with training for Mrs. Tennessee America. I enjoy doing that as well. The fog has lifted from my depression. Although, I still get anxiety. I had a lot of anxiety today. It comes and goes. At least it is not coming because I feel that losing my adult daughter is a tragedy. I am finding it is not. A tragedy is what happen to Western North Carolina, during Hurricane Helene. My adult daughter deciding to stop communicating with us, is a bump in the road. I am learning to put it in perspective. If I look at it from an eternal view, this isn't even a blip on the radar. God knows what He is doing. My trust is in Him. I have spent a lot of time breathing today. I breathe slowly in for a count of 5, then out for a count of 5. I do that for 5 minutes, when my anxiety is high. Today, it was bugging me. I found myself holding my breath a good bit, as I dialed the phone. Then, I told myself, all is ok in my world. God loves me and is always by my side, leading me through every part of my life. I am grateful. He holds me in the palm of His hand. I still do not know where we go from here. Tomorrow will be a different day. I will take a breath, take a step, and trust God. The good part is that God and I are never estranged. Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We want to know your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #movingon #newpath #mentalhealth #mrstennesseeamerica

It has been a little while since I sat down to write this blog. I took some time away. I needed a little space from the estrangement subject matter. Sometimes, you just have to walk off for a bit, to gain some perspective, and examine your feelings and thoughts. I am working hard at healing. Healing is hard work. Healing is exhausting. Healing takes time. Healing takes doing the necessary things to promote your emotional, mental and physical well-being. You have to prioritize healing at the top of your list. This is what my list looks like, God, Healing, Family, Friends, Work. Yes, I put my healing above my family. It has to be above them. My healing affects them directly. I am still figuring healing out. It never comes naturally. In fact, it goes against my nature most of the time. So does my faith in God. I am finding that I have lived a reactionary life. Not always, but a lot of the time. My reactions come from trauma. Having Complex PTSD means that I have high anxiety, emotional dysregulation, avoidance problems, (especially in situation that I see as dangerous,or triggering), impulsivity, unwanted flashbacks, nightmares, frequent negative thoughts and emotions, excessive attention to the possibility of danger, (hypervigilance). It happens when people are exposed to traumatic events over and over and over. It changes your brain chemistry. After my mother died, this condition worsened. It is through working with my Trauma Therapist, and going to Family Therapy, and medication, that I am working my way to a better, healthier way of functioning as a person. I am sure that my Complex PTSD contributed to the estrangement with my adult daughter. I am not to blame. There is no blame. She has to work through her own issues. She is not to blame. I am sure she is just dealing with figuring out her life and how she wants to live it. I'm not going to lie, the estrangement with her caused a lot of trauma too. I am sure she felt traumatized and I know that I did. I'm sure Nelson does too. To be completely transparent, if my daughter called and wanted to reconnect tomorrow, I am not sure that would be the best idea for me. I know that I wouldn't do it outside of family therapy. Reconnecting with her right now would be very anxiety inducing and triggering. It is hard enough in family therapy, listening to the children that are talking to us, tell us about their hurtful experiences with us as parents and going through that pain with them. It is important for us, as a family, to create a safe space for each other. We need mutual trust. Right now, I don't trust myself to not have an emotional response that is too strong, should our estranged daughter decide to reconcile. I know her, and I doubt that will be any time soon. That is good, because I need the time. It will still be a while. "A While," is one of those phrases that is non-specific, similar to, "Soon." I know it will happen, I just don't know when she will be ready, or when I will be ready. I do not want to go too fast. I also would like to feel neutral when the day comes. No emotional dysregulation. This is where we are right now. On a fun note, I am now Mrs. Chattanooga America, I am losing weight, and am working towards the goal of winning Mrs. Tennessee America. I am competing with a Mental Health Awareness platform. I would love to have your support as I continue to work towards this goal. Support is always needed, for everyone. I will tell you more about how you can support me on this journey later. Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear from you! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mentalhealth #mrschattanoogaamerica

I have not posted a blog in a few days. I refrained on purpose, there has been so much happening. Hurricane Helene devastated the area of North Carolina that my family and I lived in for 28 years. It affected friends and family. It put so much into perspective. So many lives have been lost due to this hurricane. So much has been destroyed. The volunteers are still working to reach people. That definitely needs to take top position in our thoughts and prayers. I feel that my little feelings about the estrangement from our adult daughter can be put on the back burner for now. Other people have lost loved ones. People are looking for the children. Children are looking for their parents. There are people missing. I have been observing so much pain. It certainly makes me take a look at what I have, and how blessed I am. In the midst of this, a long time friend reached out to me. She had seen this blog. She shared her experience with estrangement with me. It was such beautiful blessing to have someone else say, "I understand, I have been there, I'm here, I get it." I am so very thankful to her. To know you are not alone is a great relief. I know that God is always with me. I know that God prompted her to reach out to me. It is God saying, "I am here, and I've got you." He cares for each one of us, where we are, in the midst of our pain. He is with each and every person working to help the people who were hit by Hurricane Helene. He is with each and every person that has been affected by the storm. Then, He is with me. That is the great thing about God, He is omnipresent. He can be everywhere, all at once. My friend told me that they are moving forward, and she and her husband learned to be fine and live joy filled lives, with or without their children. That is exactly what Nelson and I are learning. It is good to hear that from someone else. They too went to counseling and worked on their lives, just like us. After something traumatic happens, we scramble for a sense of normalcy. We feel as though nothing will ever be right again. It is true that nothing will be the same. Just like with Hurricane Helene, the landscape gets changed. Even rivers changed their course. Trauma does that in our lives. Radical acceptance has to happen. We must radically accept that our lives have changed. However, that does not mean there can never be joy again. That does not mean that our lives will not improve, and get better. We have no control over the storms that roll in and wreak havoc in us and around us. It is how we respond to it that matters. I want my life to get better, so I must work on myself to improve, and forgive as much as possible. When our lives are destroyed and we lose everything around us, we get to decide what we want to keep and what we need to release. In the case of Helene, so many homes, possessions, and lives were taken. I do not know what the people have chosen to keep and release. The position they are in is beyond my understanding. I do know that it is still the choice that has to be made. In our estrangement with our adult child, I have chosen to release the disappointment, regret, and anger. I have to choose to forgive. I have to choose these things, over and over, every single day. It is not, "One Size Fits All." Everyday, I wake up and know that I am still estranged from my adult daughter, and everyday, I choose to walk a different road, and concentrate on improving myself, living differently and forgive. Nothing will ever be what it was before. The good thing is that I know that I am not alone. There are others that understand my pain and have reached out to help and offer support. Just like those who are helping people who have survived Hurricane Helene. Now, there is Milton coming to Florida. It is a bigger storm. We know it is coming. Pray for the people who are in its path. Be ready to let them know they are not alone. It will cause trauma, and those of us who understand trauma can help, even if it is simply to say, I am here, you are not alone. Please know that you are loved and are enough. Comment below, we want to hear your story! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #hurricanehelene #youarenotalone #helpothers #mentalhealth #familytherapy #showup

This is the only day we have to enjoy. In the midst of this day, I have many concerns. Hurricane Helene hit, and so many people are trapped, without clean water, homes lost, people that can't find their loved ones. Whole towns have been washed away. People are without food and water. Major roads of transportation are no longer available for use. I have friends and family that are involved in this catastrophe. There is nothing I can do. I wait. One top of this, my guard dog, Tank, is sick, I have to take him to the vet in the morning, which is not an easy job, if you know Tank. I don't feel well today, I have a vestibular migraine. (Big Shock). The last thing on the list for today is my best friend from High School, (the friend I have had the longest, is having an important medical procedure today). Yet, in all of this, today is the only day we have to be thankful for and enjoy. Strangely enough, it feels pretty good to say, "Thank you," and praise God. God is worthy of praise no matter what the circumstance. He is in control, when all is out of control. Believe me, today feels very out of control. I have absolutely no control over any of the circumstances. I have no control over my dog being sick, or the people who are suffering from the Hurricane. I have no control over the medical issues my friend is going through at the moment. I have no control over what my estranged adult daughter is doing or not doing. All of these things I hand over to God, and trust His timing and His plan. Life seems to go completely crazy at times. This I know, God is still good. My estranged adult daughter is safe from the storm, unlike so many others. I am grateful. My other two adult children are safe. I am grateful. Even though my cup is overflowing and I am overwhelmed with this particular day, I am thankful for the many blessings that are still in my life. Friends I love, family I love, a beautiful home, a great husband, businesses I love. I have to start counting my blessings on days like this. It is the best thing I can do. Last night, I was struggling with the estrangement. It hits me that way every once in a while. A wave of sadness. A friend of mine said it quite well, "This is spiritual warfare, make no mistake of it. Satan is using your daughter against you, and you against your daughter." I am praying for the Lord to daily remind me to put on my armor. The Armor of God. I believe that when things seem the darkness, that is exactly when the light is closest to shining. I pray for my estranged daughter today. I pray for my long time best friend. She has more medical procedures to go through. Pray for her healing. Pray that I can help to strengthen her. Pray for healing for my dog Tank. He protects me, and is beautiful. Pray for the people who are affected by Hurricane Helene. Pray that the lost are found. Pray. God knows our needs, and will be a help in times of trouble. He is an ever-present help in times of trouble. He is our great comforter. Right now, it seems that A LOT of people need comfort and provision from Him. I believe so much has been put into perspective for me. Thank you God for this day. Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below, we want to hear your story. Nelson and I would love to hear from you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #hurricanehelene #healing #pray #bestfriends #canecorso #tankford #sickdog #mentalhealth #familytherapy

Estrangement from my adult child causes me to look at the past a whole lot. It has taken the better part of an entire year for me to begin to move forward and lift my head up. I am moving in the right direction. I am beginning to feel really happy. It has been a very long time since I have felt happy. I have to say it feels good. I wake up early, and I am glad that I do. I go to the office with Nelson and we get set up and work together. I answer texts and phone calls, and help Nelson to become more and more successful at what he does. I am actually thinking about doing the same job. It is fun and I like doing it. I still have my voice studio and working with my students. It is great to feel like I am accomplishing something. I am also now, Mrs. Chattanooga America, and will be competing for the title of Mrs. Tennessee America, in April of 2025. I am losing weight and going to the gym. I have my eyes in the right direction for the first time in my life. It feels good. My non-estranged daughter called today and told me about her own good news. I was so excited for her. I can't say here what her good news is about, I have to wait until she announces it herself. I can say that I am very proud of her. I was genuinely excited, and happy for her. I didn't feel sad, or left out, or alone. She asked me to come and see her. That is exactly what I am planning on doing. She was so excited. I absolutely loved hearing the joy in her voice. I can tell our family therapy is truly helping. It was so hard at first. I believe it is turning a corner and moving forward. My adult son, my non-estranged adult daughter, Nelson and I are learning new skills and now have new ways of interacting. It is so much better. We have a much easier time loving, being kind and supportive, and encouraging one another. That is worth all the hard, painful work, we have been doing. As for Mrs. Tennessee America, I will be representing a platform of Mental Health. I believe Mental Health is one of the most unrepresented and misunderstood issue in the world today. Since I have had so much trauma surrounding me since I was a small child, and now have Mental, Emotional, and Physical Disabilities as a result, I want to work to bring more awareness to the needs of almost everyone on the planet. Mental and Emotional Health affects every single person. I have experienced first hand how it can tear a family up. It is time for us to bring it out of the dark and into the light. I am keeping my eyes forward on the work that has to be done to accomplish the goal of becoming Mrs. Tennessee America. This is a very different attitude than I have ever had before. This is becoming more and more important to me. I am proud of myself for doing it. You can follow my journey towards becoming Mrs. Tennessee America on TikTok, @mrs..chattanooga. I would love for you to be a part of the journey with me. I will need sponsors to help as well. Jump on board the train with me! If you don't get the reference, (Chattanooga Choo Choo), look it up on YouTube. LOL. Do I miss my estranged daughter? Yes. I still wish that she had not made this decision. Since I can't do anything about it, I might as well celebrate the life that I have now. It was doing no good crying and causing myself pain, by blaming myself. She is old enough to make her own decisions. I love her very much, and I pray for her daily, as I do my other two adult children. I have a choice, to be miserable missing her, or to miss her, and still have a good time and move forward towards the good things that God has planned for me. I choose to move forward, Head Up, and Eyes on the Prize! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mrschattanoogaamerica #chattanoogachoochoo #lifeisshort #mentalhealth #familytherapy #mrstennesseeamerica

I am writing from my work desk, where I assist Nelson with his job. He is a US Health Advisor, and deals with health insurance. I really love helping him. It is fun, and the people around us a great and very supportive of each other. It is a nice atmosphere. Seeing people who celebrate others, instead of tearing them down, is incredible. Nelson just made another sale a few minutes ago. When you make a sale, you ring a gong, and everyone claps. That is fun too! While I was sitting here, communicating with clients, making sure that they have the information they need, my estranged adult child popped into my mind. It is weird how that happens. I can be completely at peace, concentrating on something else, and POP, in the thoughts come. This time, I stopped, and I prayed. I knew at that moment it was not my voice bringing that thought into my mind. I was from the enemy. The enemy wants me to meditate on the negative and loss of my estranged adult child. This time, I refused the invitation to the rumination party. I prayed for God to fill my mind with His word about me. I rebuked the enemy, in Jesus' name, and you know what? It went away, and a few minutes later, Nelson made a sale! God is good. I blocked it! I will continue to keep those thoughts blocked. Just like I block numbers I do not want calling me, or social media posts that I do not think are good for me. Blocking thoughts that do not serve God or me is the thing to do. I choose peace and God above all things. Even my estranged adult child. Even, my other adult children and my husband. God and His kingdom above ALL things. I choose His kingdom first. The more this estrangement has lasts, the more I have learned how much God is trustworthy. The more this estrangement lasts, the more I find myself growing in my faith in God, and the more I find Nelson growing in his faith in God. We want to walk in His footsteps and watch as He creates a new life for us, and a new way of doing things. The old ways are disappearing and the new ways are starting to grow and take root. As we take another step in family therapy tomorrow, I trust that God will be with us and help us in the room with my non-estranged adult children. I am finding that I feel less and less anxiety about going. I can see how it is helping. I know that our family is going to be okay. I trust God is with my estranged adult child, and that He is a work within her. He loves her even more than I do. For now, I have to get back to work! More people to touch, more to do for God! No distractions, keep my eye on the prize! Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you, Nelson and I really want to hear your story! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #blockit #godisgood #familytherapy #mentalhealth

The past few days have been very busy. I have worked with students, I worked with Nelson in his office, and I stocked up my new vending business that is in, Nelson's office. These people work hard. They hardly have time to do much of anything. They get there early, and they stay late. Nelson and I do too. We arrive at the office before 8 a.m. and stay until 8:30 or 9:00 p.m. We have big goals to meet. The vending machines in the food court area are outrageously expensive. I am working to help the people who work there to be able to get snacks and drinks that will not cost them as much. I am also going to check into providing healthy alternatives to junk food as well. Making sure that we are all doing our best to be healthy is the goal. It is a health insurance office. As a health insurance office, it needs to have the focus of health and well-being. At least that is what I believe. I have been on my own journey to become healthy. I am exercising, losing weight, working to eat healthy. I have lost 5 pounds over the last week and a half. I am still going. This health journey, doesn't only include physical health, it includes mental and emotional health as well. One of the best things I have done for myself is going to work with Nelson and assisting him in his job. I really enjoy it there. It is the first time I have enjoyed something like this in a very long time. I really have fun. Sometimes, I wonder if I need to do the same job. I have thought about that a lot. It makes me happy. I never thought I would say that, much less write it in a blog. Family therapy is helping. We are changing the way we interact and changing the way we speak to each other. It is a very good thing. I am working on speaking words that lift up and encourage Nelson. It takes thought and intentionality. I know that he is doing the same. I also am working to do that for my adult children as well. When the estrangement started with my adult daughter, I didn't know if I could survive it. Now, I know and feel that not only can I survive it, we can thrive within it. It seems that things are going in the right direction. I pray every single day for God's blessing on our work. I dedicate it all to Him. Everything we do, we work for Him. I feel like for the first time, we are getting our lives truly together. I am happy about that part. God is directing our path. That is a really good feeling. As each day goes by, it gets closer to October and being over a year since the estrangement with my adult daughter began. So far, the journey has been difficult. With a lot of prayer, and painful changes through family therapy, I can see more and more light at the end of the tunnel. That does not mean that the estrangement is ending any time soon. I have no idea. God alone has control over that part. The light we are seeing is coming from dealing with the ways we made mistakes, and learning from them. There is a lot to be said for humbling yourself and making yourself vulnerable. There is a healing to it, for all involved. To apologize and admit to your adult children and your other family members is very freeing and healing. It is a weight off of our shoulders. I do believe that is another reason I am losing weight. Taking one weight off, helps me to lose weight in other ways. I am so thankful to God for walking us through this difficult time, and loving us enough to hold us up. Please remember that you are loved and enough. Please comment below, Nelson and I want to hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultdaughter #thriveduringestrangement #workingwithhusband #encouragement

Soon. I looked up the definition of the word soon. I decided not to include the whole definition. It means, promptly, or shortly. There are several other words that you can use to define it. When it comes down to it, the word itself is nondescript. Soon, could mean 2 minutes, or it can mean in 2 months, or longer. I think that the word itself lets me know that something is going to happen in the near future. There is just no definite time frame to put on the event. Our family therapy session today indicated that an improvement in our family dynamic is happening, though for some that attended, it was harder on than others. One of my adult children said that, "It is just growing pains." I think that is an excellent way of thinking about it. We have planned to speak about another large issue that needs to be addressed next week, and then we will take a two week break. I think we all need the break. As I have said before, these first two months of family therapy has been really hard. Put 4 adults in a room, who know each other well, then open up to allow them to one at a time share their concerns and feelings, in a healthy way, without going over the top emotionally, is challenging at best. Nelson and I had to decide from the first session that no matter what, we were going to drop our defenses and listen and take full responsibility for ourselves. I believe that the two adult children that attend, made the same decision. It is not an easy job to right a ship, and then turn it to go in a better direction with 4 people using oars. Families are not row boats. Families are ships. The larger the family, the larger the ship. There is no motor, no engine, just Nelson, me and my two adult children who attend family therapy with us. We have decided to pick up our oars and row. We all agreed about the direction that we want to go. We are beginning to get in sync. We will know more, next session. Estrangement does a lot to put your family and relationships within the family under a microscope. When I married Nelson, I brought a particular brand of brokenness into our marriage. When Nelson married me, he did the same. Those issues, when they go unaddressed, cause more issues. I am not saying that all of our issues went unaddressed. I went to therapy, and have been in therapy for quite a while. We are humans and we make mistakes, especially when emotions get the best of us. Poor communications skills also enter the picture. No one really wants to change the style of communication that they use. It makes me feel ridiculous sometimes, using language that doesn't come naturally to me. I have just come to realize that it is important. The Holy Spirit has reminded me that communication needs to be gentle and kind. It doesn't need to criticize or accuse anyone. I am becoming more and more thoughtful about how I speak. Nelson is the best, and he is working hard to provide a safe space for me to express my feelings. I am doing my best to do the same for him, AND to not direct my emotional overflow towards him. Soon. I trust that changes will happen sooner than later. I am handing the timing over to God. No matter what, I know that God promises to bless our family for generations when we honor Him. His, "Soon," is much different than my, "Soon." So for now, if you ask me if things are getting better, I am going to say, "Yes." If you ask, "When do you think this will get resolved, I am going to say, "Soon." Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. Nelson and I want to get to know you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #rowrowrowyourboat #mentalhealth #familytherapy #soonerthanlater