The Road is Long...

Estrangement...What is there to say? We keep walking, we keep going, we fill our time. We let go of any and all weight that holds us down and keeps us back from being the best possible people and parents we can become. We pray a lot. We keep loving and keep growing. Right now I am reading a book called, "The Body Keep the Score," by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. It describes how stress and anxiety, especially extreme stress, anxiety, and trauma, contribute to our health issues. I believe that it does. That is why it is very important for Nelson and I to not look to quick fixes to alleviate the stress of estrangement. I find it amusing that when an adult child chooses to cut off communication with their parents, (specifically, our estranged adult child), they cite their own pain and the need to remove themselves from it. What it leaves is pain and anxiety for the parents to deal with and get through. The estranged adult child is dealing with their past pain. The parents of an estranged adult child are dealing with the pain of the present, the past, and the future. It is a long road to travel.

Nothing in this estrangement will be quick. It is Mid-August already. Before you know it, September will be here and we will be headed into Fall and the holiday season. From what we have learned so far about dealing with estrangement, we have to go very slow in making decisions. We have to make sure that nothing we do comes from an emotional place. That doesn't mean we are turning off our emotions, it just means that we have to put distance between our emotions and our decisions. We have to do things deliberately. Being asked to not contact or communicate in any way, by our estranged adult daughter, makes thinking about the coming seasons difficult. We are not taking our decisions lightly. We do not want anything we decide to come from a snap emotional decision, or from feelings of rejection and hurt. There is a lot of self-control involved. It turns minutes into hours, and hours into days. Time seems to move slowly. I don't know if that is bad or good. I guess it is neither. Going in slow motion gives you the chance to ask yourself how you feel, and then decide the healthiest way to choose what to do. That is how you apply wisdom to your life.

I am learning to allow myself to process my emotions, and then choose what I want, even if that means I have to wait weeks before I make a choice. Being driven by an emotional response is never a wise choice. Being patient with yourself is the wise choice. There are a lot of pit stops on this long road. There are also Scenic View places. I think I want to stop at all of them. The pit stops are areas in my life where I can pull over to learn and take care of myself. The Scenic View places are areas where I can take a look at everything with perspective. I am slowing accepting that the longer road is best.

Here's to the long road. Too many times in life we want to take shortcuts to keep ourselves from being inconvenienced. Every once in a while we need to meander, look at the sites, feel the air, and smell the flowers. If the body keeps the score, we want our score to be low. The longer we take, the more we enjoy. If our estranged adult daughter ever returns, I want her to know I have enjoyed my time while she was away. I want her to know that we have built something wonderful while she was gone. I want things to be different. I want to see that the long road has taken Nelson and I to a new and beautiful place. That is the best we can do.

Please know that you are loved and enough. Nelson and I pray for you daily. Please leave a comment and let us know how you are doing. We would love to hear from you.

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