I Have Been Changed for Good: My Journey Through Estrangement and Healing

⚠️ Trigger Warning

This story contains references to childhood abuse, trauma, seizures, identity loss, child death, and estrangement. Please read gently and protect your heart if needed.

Estrangement and My Unexpected Journey of Change

When estrangement first entered my life, it didn’t knock — it stormed in. It rearranged the furniture of my heart and left everything in a painful, confusing mess. I didn’t choose estrangement with my adult child — it chose me.

And in the beginning, it felt like the kind of loss no parent should ever have to face.

There were days I struggled to take a full breath. Nights I cried until exhaustion finally quieted my mind. Moments where I questioned every choice I had ever made as a mother.

Estrangement shattered my identity and forced me to rebuild… piece by piece.

Healing From Estrangement: The Pain Nobody Sees

Healing from estrangement has not been linear.Some days I feel strong — full of purpose and hope.Other days, grief sits heavily beside me, reminding me that love doesn’t stop just because communication does.

And here is a truth that is very difficult for me to admit out loud:

The pain and loss of estrangement has been greater than the pain I felt when my first child died.

Death has ritual.Ritual brings acknowledgment.Acknowledgment brings support.

Estrangement brings none of that.

Estrangement is a silent loss — a relationship still alive but painfully out of reach.

Estrangement is an emotional, physical, and mental amputation.

Someone who was literally born of my body has detached and separated themselves from me. A part of me is suddenly missing — invisible to others, but unmistakably gone within me.

And while I fully acknowledge and own my responsibility in this happening, responsibility does not remove the pain.

It does not stop the longing. And it does not prevent the shift in who I am.

Because estrangement doesn’t just change a relationship…it changes who you are as a human being.

There is a name for this kind of heartbreak:

Disenfranchised GriefGrief that society does not recognize, validate, or support — a loss others minimize because they can’t see it.

No comfort meals. No cards. No understanding voices.

Just silence… and unanswered questions.

Estrangement, Trauma, and the Body: The Pain We Carry

As a survivor of childhood abuse living with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) and Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES) —estrangement adds to the layers of damage my body has already absorbed.

And believe me…the body keeps the score.

There is no cure for CPTSD or PNES.They are lifelong mental and physical health conditions that affect my daily life.

What is CPTSD?

CPTSD forms from long-term trauma — like chronic abuse or emotional neglect.It affects:

• My nervous system

• My ability to feel safe

• My trust in relationships

• My emotions and reactions

• My sense of identity and worth

• 
  

Estrangement triggers those CPTSD wounds — abandonment, shame, and fear — over and over again.

What is PNES?

PNES causes involuntary seizure-like episodes triggered by:

• Emotional overload

• Relational conflict

• Stress or overstimulation

• Feeling unsafe or unseen

• 
  

A trauma response becomes a body shutdown.

Estrangement sent my nervous system back into survival mode.My body reacted as if the trauma was happening again…because it was.

Daily Life With CPTSD and PNES

To protect my health and preserve my ability to live with purpose:

• I must limit exposure to overwhelming environments

• I must pace myself and do life in small doses

• I cannot go anywhere without my service dog, Big, who keeps me grounded and safe

• I need routine, margin, and quiet transitions

• Emotional boundaries are not optional — they are lifesaving

• People, places, and conversations must be chosen carefully

• 
  

This is not weakness.

This is survival.

And I am not sharing this for sympathy —I am sharing this for understanding.

Faith, Estrangement, and My Identity

Estrangement stripped away what I thought defined me.“Mom” became a word filled with uncertainty and ache.

But in the identity crisis, God whispered something deeper:

“You are still Mine.

You are still loved.

You are still whole.”

As He rebuilds me, I’m discovering:

• Identity rooted in Him

• Compassion for those hurting silently

• Purpose in telling the truth out loud

  
  

Faith isn’t something I believe “about. ”Faith is the reason I am still alive.

Still healing.

Still hopeful.

When Estrangement Forces New Family Boundaries

Estrangement isolates. People don’t want to take sides. Some choose silence. Some choose distance. Some choose to pretend nothing is happening.

So boundaries become necessary — not to push people away, but to protect the fragile places where healing is happening.

If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells with the family who remain…I understand.

There is space here for your complicated emotions.

Living Forward: Hope Beyond Estrangement

Here is what I know now:

Estrangement is part of my story —but it will not be the whole story.

God is still working in the silence. God is still restoring where my eyes cannot see. God resurrects relationships that feel dead.

My healing does not erase my love for my child.

My peace does not cancel my grief. Both can live together in the same heart.

And through it all…I have been changed for good.

Not destroyed.

Not forgotten.

Not unlovable.

Changed.

📌 Resource Box: You Are Not Alone

Estrangement & Grief

• Walking on Eggshells — Hope for parents

• Rules of Estrangement — Practical guidance

• Support communities for estranged families

Trauma Healing

• The Body Keeps the Score — Bessel van der Kolk

• CPTSD Foundation — survivor resources

• PNES Hope — education + peer support

Faith & Recovery

• Reboot Recovery — trauma healing support

• Local Christian counseling & community care

• Church-based life groups for connection

💛 Your grief is valid.💛 Your healing matters.💛 You don’t have to do this alone.

A Prayer for Parents Walking Through Estrangement

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3Lord, hold every parent who sits in silence tonight.Remind them You are still writing the story.Restore what is broken in Your perfect timing.Amen.

You Are Welcome Here

If you are walking this road… welcome. Your voice is needed. Your experience is real. Your heart is safe here.

💬 Comment below — What has helped YOU heal? 🕊️ Let’s heal together — Join this community✨

You are seen.

You are supported.

You are strong.

You are loved.

You are growing.

You are changing for good.