What the Heck? Why is the Estrangement Culture Growing?

I spoke with a good friend today. We had a conversation about being in the same boat when it comes to estrangement. Both of us have adult daughters that refuse to speak to us. We are in similar and different situations at the same time. Their daughter is still in college. Mine is not. Their daughter has communicated her intense resentment and anger towards them. My daughter has not. While it is a great relief to me to have someone to talk to that definitely understands my pain, I do not want them to feel one moment of this heartache. I would not wish it on my worst enemy. This prompted me to ask the question, "What the Heck? Why is this an option for our children?" I understand if the parents were physically abusive, or neglected their children. There are many children that grow up with parents who have drug addictions and alcohol addictions. There are also those who grow up in homes where they are sexually abused. In these cases, I completely understand if they decide to separate themselves from their parents, especially if the parents refuse to change in any way. However, many parents are completely puzzled by the sudden silence of estrangement from their adult child. That is what happened to my husband and me. The shock and surprise leaves you feeling nothing but pain and abandonment. I have no explanation. No reason, just silence. I know my friend that I spoke to today is just as puzzled. They worked to provide, and be present and active in the lives of their children. So did my husband and I.

Experts are saying that family estrangement is on the rise. Some even say estrangement is getting close to being an epidemic. The generation that Gen Xers are raising right now are more educated and more privileged than ever before. Our adult children have more classes on Psychology and Political Correctness than we ever had. The resources that they can tap into due to the surge in computer technology and the internet is endless. All of these things are wonderful...until they aren't. Social Media today leans towards giving short talks on Narcissism and Toxicity. You can especially find these subjects on TikTok and Instagram. In our fast paced world, our adult children get information quicker, however, they also are quicker to believe they have all the information. The fact is, most of the time they don't. It seems to be more and more common to just cut out the things that bother our adult child. It is becoming more and more an act of personal expression and identity. Instead of growing and learning and gaining resilience, this generation of adult children are tending to just walk away from their relationships with their parents. This seems to be the new way of declaring independence. Unfortunately, more often than not, it is simply avoidance. Instead of showing real maturity, and facing the issue, and working to communicate on an adult level with their parents.

From my perspective, I would do just about anything to solve the estrangement between me and my daughter. I think most parents would. I am going to therapy, working on issues, making real changes, learning how to deal with the trauma I have lived through in my life. I am willing to go to family therapy, whatever it takes to heal my relationship with my daughter. I believe that individualism and separatism and rapant diagnosis/labeling, is on the rise. As a result our adult children are much quicker to place these labels on their parents. Ok...We all have issues!!! We are all human. We all make mistakes. We don't all have Borderline Personality Disorder, or Narcissism. Can we just admit that we all have a little bit of everything? I am a person, a flawed, beautiful, wonderful, broken, fallen, traumatized, talented, intelligent person. God loves me!! I am loved by the Creator of the Universe and I am not His mistake! He made me in His image! This goes for everyone on the planet. What is needed is a culture of inclusion, interdependency, support, connectedness, acceptance, and mutual reliance. Instead of running away from things we don't like, we need to draw together and make a cooperative change.

The good news in my research is to find out that most estrangements reconcile. It may happen later than sooner. The research gives me hope. In the end, no matter what is said on Social Media that may or may not be an influence in my adult child's life, I have to continue to make the necessary changes in myself in order to live a healthier lifestyle. The truth, this is one of the most painful, torturous, situations I have ever gone through in my life. Every day, I see parents with children and it hurts. I pray they never experience what my husband and I are going through. This is why my working on becoming healthier mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically is so important. Having your adult child just suddenly stop talking to you or seeing you with no explanation is terribly traumatic. It is important for me to be patient with myself and do good things for myself during this difficult time in my life. I am a person who faces her problems head on. I pray that our adult children will decide to do the same.

#estrangementepidemic #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #givesupport