Stretching the Edges of Capacity: Finding Faith, Rest, and Healing in Estrangement

Stretching the Edges of Capacity

By Crystal McDaniel – Strangely Estranged Blog

Stretching the Edges of Capacity

There are seasons in life when growth feels like expansion—like our hearts and minds are being stretched in ways we never imagined possible. We read the books, pray the prayers, do the therapy, and lean into the lessons. We keep saying yes to growth, because somewhere deep down, we know staying the same costs more than the pain of stretching.

But what happens when we’ve stretched as far as we can?

When our capacity—to learn, to cope, to adapt—feels like it’s reached its limit?

That’s when grace steps in.

The Gift of Knowing Your Limits

It’s easy to think growth always means more: more healing, more doing, more forgiving. But real wisdom lies in recognizing when your capacity has reached its edge for the moment you’re in. Sometimes, it’s not about pushing harder; it’s about pausing long enough to let what you’ve learned take root.

We aren’t meant to live in a constant state of self-improvement fatigue. Even muscles need rest between sets. So does your soul. Knowing your limits isn’t weakness—it’s discernment. It’s honoring the truth that even God rested after creation.

When My Capacity Felt Like Nothing

When my estrangement with my adult daughter began, my capacity for adding a lot was very small. Everything around me was a “trigger” to a tidal wave of sorrow, guilt, pain, tears, and extreme panic. I could not stand much at all. I simply had no space for anything else.

As I traveled through the different stages of grief that accompany estrangement with an adult child—or children—I have become more capable of creating space for more. My capacity has grown.

I still have to be highly aware of my emotional state. Rest, for me, is at the top of my list of needs in order to maintain capacity for coping with life and its stresses. I am learning to handle and balance my everyday physical and mental challenges better. I am learning to walk away, and not stay in conversations or situations that drain my energy.

When my energy drains, I get extremely tired. That is my signal that I am too close to the bottom of my capacity. I am learning to pay attention—to stop before I start feeling that type of fatigue.

It is important for us to know that our Heavenly Father is the only One who has limitless capacity. We do not. We have to know when to stop, and rest. God will continue to work, even while we are resting. When we surrender the need to do it all and trust His timing, we make room for His strength to meet our weakness.

Hitting the Wall Isn’t Failing

Hitting the wall of our current capacity doesn’t mean that we’ve failed—it means we need to pause, take a little time to recharge, and plug into God.

One of my biggest life lessons learned has been the realization that I would often run far past what I was truly capable of doing. I would keep pushing until I broke down. When that happened, I noticed a shorter temper, more anxiety, less patience, and less willingness to listen to others or hear their needs, wants, and desires.

Recognizing when you are reaching your fill mark is not weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s strength. It’s learning to walk in awareness, not exhaustion. It’s choosing to honor the limits of your humanity so that you can live in alignment with divine peace.

Knowing when to stop, breathe, and refill your cup is one of the healthiest ways to live. When we live this way, we can love more deeply, listen more fully, and serve with hearts that are replenished rather than depleted.

The Most Important Place to Grow Capacity

During estrangement, I have learned that the most important place to grow capacity is in my heart for my estranged adult daughter. That has taken a lot of prayer, journaling, reading, learning, screaming, crying, grieving, memorizing Bible verses, walking, singing, talking with friends—and the list goes on and on.

At first, I had absolutely no capacity in my heart for her at all. I wanted anything and everything that even reminded me of her to be thrown out. I wanted to erase all thoughts and memories of her. I was in a lot of pain, and I felt overwhelming grief and anger.

The closer I drew to God for His help, the more capacity I have grown. I still have a long way to go. But I can love her now. I have capacity in my heart to love her—no matter what. I can even support her decision now, if this is what helps her and what she needs, whether she comes back or not. That is hard-won ground.

I still hurt. I still twinge with anger from time to time. But I no longer feel powerless. I no longer feel ashamed or out of control. I no longer feel betrayed or abandoned. I know I have great friends and family who love me. I know who I can lean on. I am grateful.

Please know that I understand if you are still angry and just feel, “Done.” I have been there too. Keep praying and clinging to the hand of Jesus. Don’t let go. He will walk you through that part as well. Your feelings are completely valid.

Just remember this: we can be so thankful that Jesus is never “done” with us.

Where Capacity Meets Compassion

The moment we hit the wall of our current capacity, compassion becomes the bridge. It whispers, You’ve done enough for now. Sit in this space and breathe.

When we learn to hold ourselves gently at that edge—without shame, without comparison—we begin to see that capacity isn’t fixed. It ebbs and flows, expanding again when we’ve recovered from the last stretch. Growth and stillness coexist like inhale and exhale.

The Beauty of Becoming

The truth is, there will be times when the lesson feels too heavy, the healing too slow, or the progress invisible. In those moments, remember this:You are still becoming.

Your capacity today may not be what it was yesterday—or what it will be tomorrow—and that’s okay. Every stretch, every pause, every breath in between is sacred ground.

So give yourself permission to rest. To pause. To exist exactly where you are, trusting that the stretching and the stillness are both holy parts of your becoming.

Scripture Reflection:

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1 “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

Closing Thought:Capacity isn’t just about how much we can hold—it’s about knowing when to let go, when to breathe, and when to wait for God to fill the space again.

✍️ Author’s Note

Written by Crystal McDaniel, founder of Strangely Estranged — a space for healing, hope, and faith for parents walking through estrangement. Crystal writes with honesty, compassion, and courage about the sacred journey of letting go, holding on, and finding peace through Christ.

Follow along at Strangely Estranged and on social media @StrangelyEstranged for stories, encouragement, and faith-filled community.

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