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Letting Go and Finding Peace And Forgiveness During Estrangement

  • Writer: Crystal McDaniel
    Crystal McDaniel
  • Apr 2
  • 3 min read

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Parenting comes with many unexpected challenges, but nothing quite prepares you for the pain of estrangement from your own child. Estrangement is one of the most painful experiences a parent can face. The silence, the unanswered messages, and the uncertainty of the future can feel unbearable. If you’re in this place too, please know that you are not alone.


For a long time, I carried the weight of hurt, confusion, and even anger. I wanted to understand. I wanted to fix things. But over time, I realized that holding onto these emotions wasn’t bringing my child back. It was only weighing me down, keeping me stuck in a cycle of sadness. Beyond that, I found myself angry at my spouse, feeling like they should have done more, said more, or understood my pain better. I also struggled with resentment when other family members continued to have contact with my child while I remained shut out. It felt unfair, like I was the only one paying the price. But that anger and resentment weren’t serving me—they were only adding to my suffering. That’s when I learned the power of letting go and forgiving—not just for my child’s sake, but for mine.


Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

Forgiving an estrangement doesn’t mean you condone the hurt or dismiss your feelings. It means you’re choosing peace over pain. I had to remind myself that forgiveness was not about erasing the past but rather releasing its grip on my heart.


Letting Go of What You Can’t Control

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that I can’t control my child’s choices, their perspective, or their healing process. I can only control how I respond. And so, I made a conscious choice to let go of the need for immediate reconciliation and instead focus on healing myself. Letting go isn’t giving up—it’s allowing yourself to live fully, even in the waiting.


Extending Grace—to Myself and to Them

I’ve made mistakes. My child has made mistakes. We are both human, both learning, both feeling. Instead of replaying past conversations or wishing I had done things differently, I’ve chosen to give myself grace. I am still worthy of love, even in the midst of this brokenness. And so is my child.


Finding Peace in the Present

Instead of dwelling on what I’ve lost, I try to focus on what I still have. I nurture the relationships that bring me joy, embrace the hobbies that fill my heart, and remind myself daily that my life is still meaningful.


Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness and Peace

  • Practice Mindfulness: Daily meditation, journaling, or prayer can help you process emotions and reduce stress.

  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Protect your emotional well-being by recognizing what is and isn’t yours to carry.

  • Reframe Your Perspective: Instead of focusing on the pain, shift your thoughts to gratitude for the love and relationships you still have.

  • Write a Letter (Even If You Don’t Send It): Expressing your feelings in a letter to your child can be a powerful way to release emotions and find clarity.

  • Trust the Journey: Healing takes time. Allow yourself the grace to move forward at your own pace.


Leaving the Door Open

Forgiveness also means keeping hope alive—not in a way that prevents you from healing, but in a way that welcomes the possibility of reconciliation when and if the time is right. I choose to leave the door open, with love, without expectation.

If you are struggling through estrangement, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Release the burden of resentment and make space for healing. You deserve peace, no matter the outcome. And always remember—you are not alone in this journey.


Remember that you are loved and enough. Don't forget to comment below. Nelson and I would love to hear your story



 
 
 

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