Be Still...

I got up this morning and got ready for my day. I had a doctors appointment with my new Primary Care Physician. I really like her. I like the people in the office too. They were very open and friendly. They listened and were interested. That is rare in our medical system today. It was interesting. My new doctor likes to sing. She said that she was interested in calling me and taking some lessons. I told her I would be happy to help. There was also a really great idea tossed around about another singing opportunity. A possible one woman show. This was something suggested to me a few years ago. I am going to take it seriously and work it up. It is going to take a good bit of work. I think I am up to it. My friend, Preston, told me to be brave and do it. I am grateful for the encouragement. Now I am looking for a music arranger. I have some other things that I have to do as well to make this new idea work. I am saving those details for later.

While all of this was going on, I was still dealing with the fallout of yesterday. It is going to take a while for me to shake that off. This new opportunity will help. I am glad for it. While I was thinking about all of this, I also thought for a while about sending another email to my estranged daughter. There is so much I want to say to her, I don't know where to start. I thought about all the things I could say, I could tell her how hurt Nelson and I are, and how it doesn't help to not talk it out. I could tell her how much we love her and that whatever the problem is, we are open and willing to listen to her. I could tell her how much pain and anger this causes. I keep coming back to one thing...when I read books about estrangement and listen to podcasts about estrangement, the message that stands out is that the ball is in her court and there is really nothing I can do. That is the hardest part. There is a narrow road to walk when you are estranged from you adult child. I am not sure of what to do. I am not sure of what choice to make. Over the years, the biggest piece of wisdom I have learned about make decisions when you are not sure what is right, is to wait, pray, and be still. In the stillness, God will speak to me, and the answer will come.

I know if I use my own wisdom, I will mess everything up. I will move to fast. I will push her away. Waiting patiently, and being still and listening for God's voice in this matter is the best choice I can make. As I am writing this, I am encouraging myself in the area. There are other opinions that I am taking into consideration as well. However, for now, I am waiting and staying still. Does that mean I am doing nothing? No. It takes self-control, and a lot of it. I have to constantly redirect my thoughts and feelings about this estrangement. I am working on putting this one woman show together. I am writing this blog, that is another thing I am doing. I am working with my students, whom I love.

I am concerned about all the time that passes. Time is the commodity that we cannot get back. Once it is gone, it is gone. I honestly believe that this estrangement is an unnecessary waste of time. Yet, I am in it, and I cannot change that part. While I am waiting, I am working. I am working on me, I am working on my dreams, I am working on my relationship with God. God is always good, and always provides a way. So, no matter happened yesterday, today was better. Another way God provided support for me. I am thankful.

#estrangementtakespatience #gratitudeisgood #bestill #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild